When sorry isn't enough

No matter how much I grow as a person, I still find myself stuck as a child in this one place. It is so frustrating to be in this place, over and over. I know I am not a victim, so somewhere along the path, I make choices to behave badly. My question is why? Why can't I get passed this? I don't know if this happens to other people, but for me I seem to not learn a particular lesson. The worst part is that by not learning my lesson, I find the consequences much worse than if I had behaved differently.

It is like when we are talking to our boys when they don't tell the truth and find that the consequence for not telling the truth is worse than telling the truth and dealing with the consequences of the original behavior. When we ask them why do they do this? Their usual response, through the tears, is "I don't know." How much like children we parents can be? Or at least I am. So the question is when will I grow up? What is the pay off for behaving this way? And what would be the gain for changing? Oh I hate growing pains.

It's That Time of Year Again . . .

Summer!!! So the question is what to do with the kids. Argh!!! Mine love the structure of school and their friends. I honestly don't have answers. My main plan is to work as much at night as possible and play with the boys. I also hope to share a sitter with a fellow mompreneur. This girl is greatly in demand so I have to get my order in early. The good news is that I cannot wait to spend time with my little dudes. The pool is calling and so is the gym. I think it is going to be a great summer.

When the going gets tough . . .

I start a business. Some might say what are you thinking? It's going to be summer and your kids are going to be home from school. How can you build a business now? My answer, that's who I am. Today was a perfect example. I worked in my home office this morning for three different clients and also for myself. Then I took time to have a cup of coffee with a friend. Then it was off to pick up my youngest from school to go have a play date with a little buddy of his. While David and Evan played, his mom (my client) worked for two hours. We both had moments where we looked at each other and said, this is what it is all about. We talked, strategized and planned while we heard giggling and playing upstairs. Tammy's husband, who also runs a business, was on duty as a giant playmate. It just doesn't get any better than that. I ask you, how could I not start a business? Be stuck in a job from 9 to 5 while my kids are parked somewhere? I think not.

See a Need and Create a Company

It's amazing what can happen when a women sees a need. You hear it over and over; here is a good example. One women realized there are women who are highly successful and capable individuals who have chosen to stay home and raise their families. They have a lot to offer but limited time. She created an employment agency for these women. That's how the Mom's Corp. came into existence. Check it out.

So there are some good things to look forward to

The good news is that moms who juggle work and family tend to be thinner and healthier when they get into their 50's. It must be the constant juggling of schedules, running from meetings to soccer games. I am actually surprised because I assumed that busy women are forced into eating junk food on the run. Feel free to check out the article yourself. Working Moms Healthier, Thinner Than Stay at Homes

So it's True!

The results are in! Someone actually took time to figure it out. Most of us already knew, all they had to do was ask us. I am just sharing this with you for your reading enjoyment.

This year, Salary.com compensation experts have come up with a job analysis and these price tags for both categories:

• Stay-at-home moms work an average 91.6 hours a week. That should be worth $134,121 annually.
• Working moms also put in 49.8 hours a week on the job at home. They should get $85,876 a year.

The compensation analysts figure the lowest paying parts of a mom's job are housekeeper, laundry machine operator and janitor. Higher paying categories include computer operator, facilities manager, psychologist and family CEO. The Salary.com numbers are sure to stir up controversy. But this is not debatable: Moms simply are priceless, and nothing could compensate them properly for all they do.

So Is Boarding School The Option?

Today was a tough day. One of those days. As I was talking to another mom, we discussed what life would be like when our kids became teenagers. And suddenly the other mom got a far off look and said, I wonder when they are building the dorms for the boarding school. We both laughed. There are days when that seems to be an favorable option. And then I got home with my boys and had a nice evening that included a bath and lots of giggles. Argh!! It's exhausting. It's fun. I feel like I am at a movie, but it never ends. I laughed, I cried and I slept. And then it was another day.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

You can hardly open a newspaper, browse the web or watch the news without hearing about the "Mommy Wars." Here I am writing about it. To me it seems counter productive to be pitting mothers against mothers. We are all mothers, first and foremost!!!! It does not matter whether we go outside the home to work, we have a business we run from the home or we make our home the business. We are all mothers. My thought, for what it's worth, is let's ban together and help each other. Let' support each other. We all make choices of how we live for our own reasons. Usually the choices work. More often than not, the kids turn out all right. I don't care what choice you make, there are times when you might feel like you did not make the right choice. Then there are times when you know the choice you made was the only one you could make. But the most important thing is not to dilute the reason we are making choices. Because we are individuals who are mothers. I say, give peace a chance.

Doctor is there anything I can do?

Okay, it's not that bad, well sometimes it is. I took David for his four year check up. It's always exciting! This is when I get to hear how big my boys have grown and where they fall in the percentile. They get weighed and measured. The nurses carry on how cute the boys are as they poke and prod them, and then they give their little arms a hug (take their blood pressure). After we go through the usual questions with the Doctor, yes he can jump, run and speak. He asks, "Is there anything you are concerned about?" Hmm, how do you ask a question when you know you are not going to like the answer. I said "Yes, any suggestions on how to work with a child that is full of energy and a bit challenging." There, I said it, out loud. And then I waited, as David rode the Doctor's stool around the examining room, for his words of wisdom. "Well, Mrs. Allen, you just need to be tough. When you say A, you must do A and don't get weak and give in to him. It the battle of the wills." I must say it was disheartening. I was looking for something a little less exhausting. So, as hard as it is to do, I must the be the "mean" mom until he gets over it. And I guess that's when they go off to college.

When one door closes open a window

So when last I wrote I had just come off my high of helping create a new event at our school. We are already planning the next one. It's going to be bigger and better and this time it will be in the fall so our moms can start there holiday shopping early. We also have had Spring Break, some holidays and got through Winter. The big news was last Monday when I decided to shift careers and re-think my business plans. I realized I was not living my passion. My work became that, work. I loved helping my clients, yet it did not seem to fit me. Then two things happened, one of my associates shared some insight he had with his prospects which gave me a glimpse of an idea of a need. And, I met with my "mastermind group" buds. They really showed me I was missing the boat. I was wasting all my talent. So here I am again, about to head into Summer and launching a new business. Hmm, so what was I thinking. Yes, I closed the one door, but that's okay, I am already climbing out the window. And yes, I am reaching for the stars. I'll keep you posted!!!

It was even better than I imagined . . .

It is hard to believe that this all started with an idea on November 10 and tonight we actually pulled off an amazing event at the school. When I got home from the event there was an email from a mom saying what a great event it was. I am thrilled.

Based on my observations, there was tons of socializing happening and lots of money was exchanging hands. The vendors were engaging and happy and the moms were receptive and excited about the opportunity to see new things. We had a good mix of services and products in a variety of price ranges. There was lots of food, especially deserts. And we had message therapist there performing wonderful messages for our moms. What more could you ask for.

I think what I liked best was meeting moms I would have never have met. There were moms from the upper, middle, lower and pre-school. It was great. And the teachers were there as well, which I think made it really special.

The only thing Becca and I need is a night off.

Have you ever felt like this?

Today, this was my life. And all though most of the day was exhilarating and productive, I took moment to pause and think, is it all worth it. I have to admit that right now I don't know any other way. So until I can come up with another way that I can have the lifestyle that I want that includes being able to pop in to school and help my First grader with Writer's Workshop or snuggle on the couch with my 3-year old and still make an income, this is what I will look like for a while.

Now if I can just figure out how to pick up one of those balls and still remain balanced. Hmmm.

We are not an island . . .

I received this from a client and thought it worth sharing. I always get back to we are not an island, we are not alone. It's about interdependence.

Build Relationships Of Trust

Life Moves Pretty Fast,

But In The End It's All About

Our Faith, Our Family, And The Relationships

We've Formed Along The Way.

.....Aim For The Heart...........

What was I thinking????

This year I made a commitment to myself to take care of Lia. With this in mind, I thought it would be nice to have my nails done. After all I need to look professional for what I do and it is nice to have my hands look like that of a woman and not that of a child.

I must say I felt quite self-indulgent. And I also was surprised how hard it was to just sit there for the hour and a half it took to get them done. Hmm, something I need to work on. Then the reality set in. Have you ever tried to open you pants with sticks hanging off your nails. Well that is what it felt like. My youngest saw my hands and said "mom, don't poke me." I never expected to inflict fear on my children. And just sitting here typing is making me wonder, "what was I thinking?"

I must say in all fairness that I am going to try to stick this out. I believe in time I will get used to them and appreciate them. Wish me luck.

So now that the holidays are done . . .

now what?? It's hard to believe that what took 6 weeks to prepare for, is over in 24 hours. Getting the house ready, decorating, putting up a tree and lights, our trains, the cookies, the holiday concerts, all the parties and visits. And then on December 26th, It's all over. And now it takes time to get the house back in order to resume normal life. But that's ok with me. I enjoy the process.

As I reflect back on the last two months, I find myself smiling and enjoying the memories. Yes it was hectic, and it was joy-filled. And we made a special effort not to forget why we are celebrating and preparing. After all, it's all about the Jesus and his birth. My favorite part of the holiday was lighting candles on a cake on Christmas day and singing happy birthday to Jesus. It was a tangible way to remind my boys why we do what we do.

Is it Friday Yet????

Today was a typical day in my life. I got the boys off to school and then I ran to my home office to check my email and pick up something I needed for my meeting. I got to the meeting a few minutes early, so I updated my calendar, made some calls, set an appointment. My meeting was very productive and we all left energized ready to conquer the world. On my way home I decided to make a walk-in cold call which produced a name and some inside information that might help me approach this person. I also stopped at the cell phone company to get my phone repaired. Once home I had an hour to eat lunch and catch up on emails and work on an ad for a directory. I then went to my son's school to help with their Writer's workshop (the highlight of my day). I then took my oldest home and picked up my youngest. Once home we did homework, played and made dinner. Then my oldest was off to Karate and I stayed home for some quality time with the little dude. So here I sit in the quite and blog. Isn't life grand.

2006 - How did that Happen?????

If you have been wondering where I have been, I have been right here. I just needed a break. I needed time to think through things, get through the holidays and re-prioritize. I suddenly wasn't sure why I was blogging. I wondered if anyone even read it or cared. So I just stopped.

The holidays have been busy and joyous. I have thoroughly enjoyed my family and all that the holidays bring. We were sure not to forget why we celebrate this holiday. It has been truly an awesome experience. So as I start to plan forward and partake of another year, I will cherish the memories of a great 2005. It has been a year of personal and professional growth.

If you do read this and enjoy my ramblings, thank you. I make a commitment today to provide entries on a weekly basis, if not more. I hope you and yours have a great 2006.

Thanksgiving Week Already?????

How did that happen? Ever since the kids came, the days just seem to fly by. It seems like we were just putting the tree out from last Christmas and here it is already Thanksgiving. I am of course thinking of what I am thankful for and my thoughts wonder to my boys school. As I mentioned before, Tom was hit by a boy in his class. This poor little guy was then suspended in 1st Grade. What does this have to do with gratitude? The school, the school family and how they handled this still amazes me. Tom never skipped a beat. He could have been pretty upset and quite honestly concerned about returning to the school. Instead, because of the grace and love with which the school handled this, he feels safe and loved. They are working on a plan to help their classmate return to school and are hoping that he will become a part of the solution. They are teaching the children how to help him with that. Amazing!! I could not ask for more. What a teachable moment for everyone.

I see sunshine on a cloudy day . . .

Okay, so this has not been a stellar day. My plans (what a joke) were really done at 4:15 this morning.

It all started with poor David, my 3 year old, who kept waking up to go potty. He would dribble a little pee and back to sleep for 5 minutes, just long enough for me to get into my zone and then he was back again. Finally he went number 2 and he was back asleep (that was 5:30). So I was exhausted when the alarm went off, but we persisted.

I dropped the boys off at school (I let the teacher know David had a rough nights sleep so he might be a bit cranky) and I was off to my special morning of coffee with fellow moms from school. I had been looking forward to this, and I felt honored to be invited. I barely got in the door of the hostess' home when the phone rang, it was the school. David was not well, he needed mom. So it was home with David. We really had a nice time. We snuggled and watched TV. He never napped but he definitely rested.

Then it was time to pick up Tom. It took David less that one song on the radio to be asleep. He was exhausted and really needed the nap so I sat in the parking lot of the school for an hour while he caught up on his sleep. It was here, in the parking lot, that I introduced myself to a parent of a new boy in school. I let them know that if they had any questions, to call me I would be happy to meet them. I suggested we could have our boys could play together. It was then that I found out the reason they were there. They were called in to discuss the fact that their son punched my son in the nose. Hmm. We talked briefly, and I let them know that our family would pray for their family as they worked through these struggles.

Of course I woke David up so we could go in and find out how my little boy was doing. The good news is that Tom handled himself beautifully. He was shocked and did not punch him back. Tom really does have a gentle spirit. The teacher also is amazing. She really took care of Tom and so did the class. There were kids telling Tom jokes to cheer him up and two boys made him cards. There really is a little family developing there.

My heart is full. I see the blessings in all of this. I spent a great day with David (lots of snuggling happening in the Allen household). I heard about the environment in Tom's class that is what I have always wanted for him. I kept my head on straight through out all of this. What didn't happen is almost as important. I did not get angry at my guys for my plans being ruined. I didn't spend a day in misery and depression over "my lot in life." I didn't feel the need to complain, I really enjoyed the change of pace. It was awesome. I am grateful and praise God when I know I am growing like this. For me I know it can only be a "God Thing" because I am not able to do this by myself.

It's great when I can see the sun through the storms.

Stop and smell the coffee . . .

Or at least drink it. Today was my day to rejuvenate. After getting the boys settled in to their respective schools, I headed of to my bi-weekly mastermind group. A think-tank we created of a few crazy people like myself who want to be self-employed. At our meeting we share issues, concerns and challenges, and then we help each other solve them. So over coffee we are building each other up and solving our problems. What a blast!!

Then I was off to my lunch meeting with a fellow mom of a boy in my son's 1st grade class. I have made a conscious decision to surround myself with successful people who are thinking forward, bright and filled with the energy I see in life. This mom is such a mom. It was also a great boost in the arm. It's amazing how much we had to talk about. The time just flew by.

Next I was off to my home office to check on some emails, do a little paper work and get the house ready for the day. Low and behold, when I checked my email I received this great email. I hope you find it a light in a somewhat dim world. Thank you Janis!

In April, Oprah interviewed Maya Angelou on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Maya Angelou also said this: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." "I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. "I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." "I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back." "I've learned that when ever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision." "I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one." "I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back." "I've learned that I still have a lot to learn." "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."