Saturday, July 21, 2007

God of Second Chances

I remember going to see Jonah (the VeggieTales Movie) with my family. One of my favorite scenes was when Jonah was in the Belly of the Whale. That is when a Gospel chorus sang a song about God being the God of Second Chances! It was an inspirational moment. I am now feeling like I have been given a new lease on life, a second chance. Things are not better by any stretch of the imagination. However, I am getting through. The cool part is I am learning that even though life can get ugly, I can survive the ugly. I am not so scared of the ugly anymore. I am taking it one day at a time and enjoying it. I know it will be a long haul out of my hole. After all I did not get in this hole overnight. Yet I feel confident I not only will get out, but I will stay out. This time it feels different. I am learning from my mistakes and becoming empowered by my new skills.

Thank you God!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Hanging on by a Thread

It's been a while since I have written. I feel like it's been a roller coaster ride of a Summer. I must say right at this moment I am hanging on by a thread. I hate this feeling. I am on edge and feeling very anxious. There are many factors, but there are two main ones. First I made some major mistakes that are causing yucky consequences. And second, I have not had a moment to myself in close to a month. I have been "on" almost non-stop. The only time I get break is late in the evening when I am too tired to enjoy it. It's been hot, sticky and I am filled with fear. So what does this all mean? It means that I have moved away from God and His promises and tried to take control of my life again. Guess what? It does not work. Everytime I do that, boom, here I am in an all too familiar place. The sad part is that I feel too guilty to turn back to God. I feel ashamed to walk in to Church. As I hold on to the thread, I feel it unraveling and my arms are growing weak. Lord, I call out to you for help. I am tired and can't hold on any longer by myself. Please hold on to me.