Endless Summer Syndrome - It's Got a Name

I knew I wasn't crazy (yet). Here is proof. Read this article and step into my world. Hope you enjoy it.

Whelton: Coping with Endless Summer Syndrome
By Jack Whelton/ Among Friends
Friday, July 29, 2005

So when you are feeling a little crazy and the you start to check how much gas you have in the tank and how far it will take you, remember September is almost here.

A date - With My Son

My husband and I were talking about how hard it is to spend special time with each of or boys. When we just had Tom, Jim had time to take him for their special walks or bike rides. And Tom and I spent lots of one-on-one time. Then came David. He is a joy to be around, most of the time. But the quandary became, when does Tom get just us. And David was always part of a team.

Tonight we tried something and I think it worked. I took Tom and Jim took David. Jim is not back yet so I don't know how their night has gone. By the way, where are they those dirty stay outs. As for Tom and I, we had a great night. We met a friend and the kids played in a gym - ran and jumped till they were dripping with sweat. Then we went to dinner. It's interesting how the dynamics are so different when Tom does not have to compete with David. It was very nice. I could tell Tom really appreciated it, he was beaming.

Next we will change things up a little and I will take David and Jim will take Tom. If we do this once a month for each that will give us each a night out with the boys. Now we just have to find time for a date for mommy and daddy. Hmm.

Remember Count to Ten

I called a friend today and immediately I realized she was having one of those moments. You know them, the one where you think if you could just catch your kids you would woop them. Apparently it had been a day of moments like that on top of a particularly difficult day for her physically. I offered to come over and help clean up the mess she was cleaning and she declined. I let her know I was available if she needed me, as always.

Later in the day I called to check in to see if anyone ended up in the hospital or was she ready for the rubber room. By then things were calming down. What changed? When I first called she was able to vent. She then sent the kids to their rooms and gave herself some space. And then, this was key, she took a shower. It's amazing how cathartic a shower can be. She was able to start fresh and clean with enough energy to face the rest of the day. Until tomorrow.

So when the day is crazy, get a shower. Seriously, when I was in my "self-awareness" mode and working on my issues many years back, I remember hearing at a meeting that when you are having a day that seems to be spiraling out of control you should literally get back in bed, get out of bed and start the day over, including taking a shower. I have actually done that and it works. So if you need to start your day over, go ahead, I give you permission to go back to bed, and while your there feel free to take a nap.

Life is Hard, But God Is Good

It has been a difficult weekend. My husband's grandmother is in a nursing home and not doing well. In fact, we got the call that she might be on her last leg. We've gotten this call several times before (Grandma is called the "Energizer Bunny" because of her come backs in the past) but this time it seemed more serious. So off we went to see her in New York.

I have known Grandma for 23 years, and she really is my Grandma now. Death is not easy and it is especially hard when it is a long, tortured death. Grandma is a woman of dignity and selfless, which makes it all the more difficult to watch. For a brief moment, I feel anger as to why this is happening the way it is. Certainly she deserves a more dignified return home to the Lord. And then I remember it is not my will but His.

I don't often talk about my faith here, but for this I must. Life has been hard but God has been good. Even in this situation I see God at work. I see the people who have taken care of Grandma for the last year rally around her to really take care of her now. I see my mother-in-law share her faith even in these hard times. I see my whole family show their strength during a very difficult time. What has made the difference? It has been our faith. I thank you God for that.

We love Grandma and don't want to see her go, and we also know that life here on earth is temporary so it won't be long till we are all together. God, we sit in your will and wait, patiently.

Where has the summer gone????

I cannot believe it is July 21st. The summer seems to have flown by. I remember wondering how are we were going to get through the summer and here it is almost over. So what have we been up to?

• We went to visit family in NY for a time. That was very relaxing.
• We spent a week helping sell fireworks with my husband's fireworks business. That was fun.
• We started a camp for the boys which allowed me to got back to some work. That has been great.
• We joined the health club which has a pool and we've spent lots of time there. That has been the best.

Throughout this I have learned some valuable lessons. Something I already knew but needed to re-learn at a much deeper level. I am at my best when I work hard, play hard and rest hard. When I become the "grouchy mom" it is because I am out of balance. If I do not take care or me, well let's just say "when mom's not happy, ain't nobody happy."

I have also learned to really take care of my "I" and not focus on the "R". "I" means who I am or my identity. "R" means my role. Most people get them confused, especially moms. We get lost in our "R" and for get we "I". And, if we have a bad "R" day we feel like bad people when we just had a bad day. I needed to really get that. I now I know I did. That has been the best lesson learned this summer.

So now when "I" am busy being a mom in my "R" , I am not wishing "I" was at work because I am enjoying my "R". Also, if I have a bad hair day as a mom, which happens every now and then (she says tongue in cheek) I am not devastated. "I" review what I could have done better or different in my mom role and then I move on, because "I" am still a valuable human being.

Pretty heavy stuff. Sorry for that but I needed to say it.

6 Year's Old????

This week Tom turns 6, and it seems to have been a blink of an eye. When did that happen? I can still remember nursing him, over and over. In fact my husband thought I never left that spot on the couch. I was there in the morning when he left for work and there when he got home.

Time, or the concept of time, has changed since the boys have come. What seemed like a life time is now just a moment in time. And for the kids it is the opposite. If they are looking forward to something like a special play date, the day's seems like years. It's kind of fascinating.

For me, I work on the here and now. My goal is to keep one eye on the future (goals and dreams) while the other eye is busy looking at the present. How sad to reach the goal and miss the journey. I pray for the wisdom and patience to accomplish these things while maintaining a modicum of grace.

Independence Day

It has been a while since I blogged. What have I been up to? Well, I have been helping my husband with his fireworks stand. Every year he takes a week off and sets up a stand and sells fireworks. Fireworks are his passion. He's loved them since he was a boy. I must admit that it was a challenge to do this. It was 12 days from home. The days were long and hot. My kids were great. We brought toys and packed snacks and food. We ate a lot at a pizza shop that was behind us. My kids think the chef is the best. My youngest enjoyed potty training this week and we made great progress (I guess it is cool to use a bathroom at the restaurant) plus it didn't hurt that he got party poppers every time he performed.

Here's the best part. Although this was challenging to do, and I might add exhausting, it sparked a light in Jim's dream pilot. He felt, once again, the exhilaration of being in business for himself and realized that it was what he enjoyed. He said he didn't mind the long hours and hard work. He was able to work for himself and spend time with us. He hopes to someday find a business that can help him achieve that sense of independence. I plan on helping him. It was nice to see him feel good for one week.