Wednesday, June 07, 2006

When sorry isn't enough

No matter how much I grow as a person, I still find myself stuck as a child in this one place. It is so frustrating to be in this place, over and over. I know I am not a victim, so somewhere along the path, I make choices to behave badly. My question is why? Why can't I get passed this? I don't know if this happens to other people, but for me I seem to not learn a particular lesson. The worst part is that by not learning my lesson, I find the consequences much worse than if I had behaved differently.

It is like when we are talking to our boys when they don't tell the truth and find that the consequence for not telling the truth is worse than telling the truth and dealing with the consequences of the original behavior. When we ask them why do they do this? Their usual response, through the tears, is "I don't know." How much like children we parents can be? Or at least I am. So the question is when will I grow up? What is the pay off for behaving this way? And what would be the gain for changing? Oh I hate growing pains.