The quest continues

Yes, I am still considering home schooling my guys. As I gently let me family and friends know that this is an option, I get many reactions, but mostly I get "What, are you crazy?" No I am not crazy. Furthermore, I feel more grounded than ever as I delve into this world. Who else can love and nurture my boys more than a mom? I am not sure where this journey is going, but I know that at the end of the road, my boys will be well educated, safe and have their self-esteem intact, which I am not seeing right now in their current school.

Wish me luck and if you are a praying person, please pray for wisdom and discernment.

Don't forget about me!

Today I had an ah ha moment. I have them a lot, but this felt a little different. I have been on overdrive lately working on many fronts. All toward a common goal, improving our lives as a family. Tonight I took time out of my busy schedule to have dinner with some friends. It was a nice dinner and we sat and talked for hours. It was amazing. I suddenly realized that I need to do that more often. My husband is great at this. He is very busy and yet faithfully he meets a friend of his for dinner two times a month. He calls it his night out with the boys. It is something he really looks forward to. Today I understand why. I will be putting something like this on my planner from now own.

Understanding My Fear

I started to feel an old pang today, the pang of fear. When it hit, I got right on the phone and called one of my trusted colleague. She was amazing and here is the quote she shared with me:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." The above speech by Nelson Mandela was originally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material."

Wow, I understand now!! Thank you.

To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool that is the Question . . .

Oh the battle rages on. Where? In my mind and in my heart. I have always wanted to homeschool. When I had my secretarial service I actually managed a homeschool database and was thrilled to see how many families were successfully homeschooling their children. Then I had my two boys and postpartum depression. I thought then, oh my I am not meant to be home 24/7 with my two boys. That has worked for a few years. However, as my boys grow older and their experiences at school become more diverse, I am finding myself looking again at the option of homeschooling.

No I don't want to control everything they do. No I am not feeling alone and need their company. I have a full and busy day as a business owner. I love that my boys are independent, I don't want robots. The reason is that my boys are getting more than an education (reading, writing and math). They are getting some socialization that quite frankly I am not happy with.

I know from talking to successful homeschooling parents that the curriculum part of the day only takes 3 hours. The rest of the time at school tends to be fluff and filler. I now know several business owners who homeschool their children and do their business around their homeschool schedule. They have the best of both worlds. So I am again pondering what to do. I plan on doing some research so that I can make a good decision. Not one based on emotions, but on what is best for my two boys. Keep me in your prayers and thoughts as I wrestle with this one. It is big and it could be life changing.

Valentines with Kids

I happen to be one of the lucky ones, I have a romantic husband. In fact, he is way more romantic than me. I used to be, but something happened, could it be the kids or life. Jim and I have been together 27 years and married 22. Yes, we are goofy, we got married on Valentine's Day so it was also our Anniversary as well. Of course, since we waited to have children and they are still young, we no longer do the nights out on the town. However, that does not mean we don't thoroughly enjoy this auspicious day. We like it be a family event.

Because Valentines fell on a Saturday, a very busy day in our house, we started celebrating on Friday. I awoke to roses placed in strategic places throughout the house. Each rose had a card with a sentiment of love written on it in various languages. It was capped off with a card that held tickets for the family to see Stars on Ice. I have wanted to see that live since I was a kid (don't ask how long ago that was). When I was a kid they called it Ice Capades. That evening we took the boys out to dinner at one of our favorite family friendly restaurants. It was awesome

For Jim my demonstration of romance was not nearly as elaborate. When he came home early Saturday morning from the car shop he was greeted by a series of cards from all of us and a book by one of his favorite authors, Donald E. Westlake. Mr. Westlake had just recently passed and Jim has been trying to get more of his books for his collection. In the book was a book mark with a list of all the other Westlake books I ordered that were being shipped. He was thrilled because they are hard to find and he's been trying to find them for years.

Why am I telling you our silly, probably boring Valentine's story? Because to me it is amazing that after 22 years we can find ways to surprise and delight each other even in our busy world with busy kids. I hope this will give you hope encouragement in your world today.

Perspective - Sometimes It's Good To Keep It

I had a really bad day this week. I have to admit there were moments when I could have walked out of my home, gotten in my car and driven until I ran out of gas and started a new life there. I remember crying that night and praying for God's Grace. It was a day I just wished had never happened or I could do over. Then I went to sleep. I woke up the next day and I felt like a different person. My kids acted like different kids. I am not sure what happened.

Then I realized that kids are kids, they have good days and some not so good days. After all they stayed up for the Super Bowl for the first time in their life and had to get up early for school the next day. It has taken them a week to recover from that. As for me, well I am a living, breathing, walking hormone. It's nice to be able to have this perspective today.

I guess my point is that no matter how bad the day is going, it will get better. Life is a series of ups and downs. The key is to learn to ride the waves, gracefully if you can.

Did I fall off the planet???

As you can see it's been a long time since I posted. I have to admit, I had a dry spell. I make no excuses, I was just plain old overwhelmed by life and let it get me down. In that state my creativity was non-existent. My whole house was sick for two months. Then there were the holidays and I was still trying to keep the business running while the kids were on their extended break from school. Then school re-started but the sickness did not leave. We have had this flu, ear infection, upper respiratory infection and many other renditions of it for two months. My husband is still recovering from pneumonia. What's my point? Well, life happens.

This week I feel like I woke up and realized I have been letting outside circumstances dictate my future. No more! Today I commit to staying focused. I commit to creating an editorial schedule so I can blog on a weekly basis. I commit to living each day with the purpose of helping fulfill my dreams and purpose in life. Thank you for the reminder God. I will be true to you and I will be true to me.

Grandparents Rock

Today was grandparents day at my boys' school. This is an event that generates a great deal of excitement. In fact, the air was absolutely palpable. You could almost feel electricity. As I walked the halls and waited for my crew to do their rounds, I was able to hear all the exclamations of how wonderful the school is and how great the kids are doing. I found myself filled with pride. To be honest, I am not sure why. After all I am just a parent. I don't work there. And yet I felt a sense of ownership of this pride. And then it hit me, I felt a sense of community, a sense of belonging. For me the warmth of the school, the community is what I as a parent enjoy so much. Yes, my boys being safe and having a great education is critical. That being said, knowing that I am part of something bigger than myself, something that will help to shape our children's lives for generations to come, although on a small level, is pretty awesome. I am glad that I can participate even in small ways at the school.

So my lesson for today, even if its just a few moments, participate. My boys smiles knowing I was there helping serve food to grandparents and taking pictures to capture those moments was something I will cherish for a long time. It was a small sacrifice of a few hours for a lifetime of memories. When my boys are older and have children of their own, I hope it is those moments that will stand out.

Impulse Control, hmmm

Is that anything like Jumbo Shrimp? What exactly is it that causes a boy to suddenly walk up to another and slap a hat off their head? Can I vent?????

I spent part of my evening at baseball practice with other moms as we watched our 7 to 9 year old boys practice baseball. In between making awesome plays and seeing who can get the dirtiest by sliding I watched boys do the silliest things. I actually found it somewhat comforting when I realized my boy was not the only one afflicted with this "impulse control" issue. James Dobson refers to a distinct difference in the boys brain which happens in the womb. This difference apparently disconnect all logic and thought process from action (Lia's words).

Today I sit hear and thank God for little boys and also for helmets.

Think, think, think . . .

As I sit here at 10:41 pm and ponder on the day, I am struck by a melancholy feeling. I am unsettled, confused and yearning to figure it all out. The problem is I do not know what questions to ask. I don't know how to fix this. I don't even know what this is. I must admit, I do not do this gracefully. I am usually the one people come to for answers. I am the "fixer" of the group. So how do I fix this? Good question. I think for right now, I need to sit in it a while and see if I can figure it out. I don't do that well either. So wish me luck.

Growing Up is Hard to Do

It's been an interesting summer to say the least. Now we are heading into fall. The evenings are getting cool and the kids are back in school. It is amazing what a difference a season can make. As I reflect back on this past summer, I am struck by some very distinct memories.

• Waking up without an alarm clock, who needs one, I have two boys wake me up.
• Working in spurts, in between camps and errands.
• The Olympics - Wow! My boys are hooked. My oldest son says he's mini-Michael Phelps.
• Camping with friends, the best.

As I reflect back and try to focus on the joys, I realize that seasons are only for a short time. In no time it will be winter again, with snow and ice & skiing and hockey. What's my point?

I also had some emotional struggles with the summer. What I was not getting done because I could not work as much? Now that the boys are back in school, and I am back to business I realize it was only 10 weeks. I will always have time to work, but my boys will only be this age right now.

Enjoy your seasons.

Extreme Self Care

Today I had to do what I call Extreme Self Care. I was feeling overwhelmed and a bit under the weather. At first I started to get anxious and angry. Then I took a step back and decided to reframe my day. By the end of the day I felt like a victor instead of a victim.

First I called a meeting of my MasterMind buddies, two fellow mom business owners who understand what I am going through. Then I got busy writing a plan including a to do list. It was very empowering. Finally, I made a decision to dedicate this year to developing a spirit of discipline. I am very excited about the growth I will experience this year.

When the day is getting tough, the tough call their girl friends.

Chinese Food Cures All

I have to admit I have been quite stressed lately. In fact, I have been feeling like I am living on the edge of a cliff and not sure how to stay safe. The good news is that I am starting to feel safe again. I am seeing clarity and gaining some perspective.

One thing I noticed about myself during this time is that when I feel like this, I long for and crave good Chinese food. For me the smells, flavors and texture is the ultimate in comfort food. It also tends to be less fattening than other foods which is important to me.

So I say, when the going gets tough, get some Chinese food.

Rainy days and Mondays . . .

Have you ever had one of those days. Well today it feels like my life. I am so tired of fighting. I fight with myself and there are days when I fight with the world. I am not sure what else to do, but I am almost done. The pain is too much and it does not seem to end. The worst part is most of it is my fault, and I can't seem to stop it. Don't get me wrong, I am not a victim. Yet, I find myself doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Yes, that is the definition of insanity. Look it up in the dictionary and you will see me.

Please keep me in your prayers if you are the praying sort. I feel so tired. Today, it is just too hard. I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Was it only one week?

Last week felt like a lifetime. I know it was me, and I accept that as my truth. My boys started camp today. It is interesting what a difference a week can make. I was very busy today, with lots of appointments, I drove quite a distance between appointments, dropped and picked up boys and equipment, just to name a few of my many tasks for the day. And yet today, I felt calm, cool and collected. I don't believe I raised my voice much today. Even with my youngest melting down as I dropped him off to a new camp with unfamiliar settings. It was great.

What have I learned about myself? I always ask myself, "self, what have I learned about me?" Today I learned that I have to accept who I am. I am a mom of two exuberant boys. I am a business owner. I love being a mom who loves being a business owner. I feel most complete when I get to exercise all of me. The mom muscles as well as the business muscles. When I don't get to do both, I am not as happy.

I also learned that I have another side of me I need to nurture. It is the "me" part of me. I have found that I don't take time to take care of me. I know when that happens because I find myself saying things like "When is someone going to take care of me?" So I am on a path to find a way to take care of me on a more regular basis.

Lastly, I learned that I have a wife muscle that I had put on the back burner. This weekend I had time to spend quality time with my husband. I realized that is very important. So in my exercise program, I need to add that to my list.

Hm, this seems like a lot. I have faith because I have a strong spiritual muscle. So I will pray and seek guidance on how to create a plan that takes all of my muscles into account.

Wish me luck -- this is cool.

Summer Time & The Living is Easy

Who ever wrote that song was not a mom. Argh!! I love the song, but it's not been my experience. Being a mom and business owner brings on different challenges. I find it hard to think with out the space I am used to during the school year. I guess I feel sad that it is not enough for me to be a mom without the business. I love my boys, but the truth is, I am a more complete person when I have space to breath, be more than mom and flex some other muscles.

Today my friend prayed with me over the phone. I was feeling particularly overwhelmed by some challenges. It was so great to be able to share with her in the moment where I was. She is a fellow business owner, Christian and mom. She's walked in my shoes. For a moment I was very honest and open, and she took that and ran with it. I asked her to pray for me as I try to get through my feelings and she stopped everything she was doing to pray with me right then and there. Now I have to be honest, I don't want to sound like a whiner. I know life could be worse. Yet, in the moment, I knew I needed to be honest and ask for help. That was hard for me to do. I have been taught to buck up and deal with it. I am, but I still have strong feelings about what bucking up and and dealing with it feels like.

When life comes at you fast, take a moment and share how you are feeling. Ask for help if you need it. I can tell you from personal experience, it feels good to share your burdens.

Just What I Needed To Hear Today

Conquering any difficulty always gives one a secret joy, for it means pushing back a boundary-line and adding to one's liberty.
-- Henri Frederic Amiel

Can you smell the air?

Oh, I am really enjoying this time of year. We are experiencing a real Spring. The air is fragrant and not too hot. The evenings are still cool. There was just a evening shower, and I can smell the moist earth. I never noticed this stuff before. I love that I have learned to take time, even with all the stresses out there, to smell the air.

I sat at the ball field and watched my oldest son play baseball. It was great. Tom was on his game. I not only was able to take in the game, but think about a new product/offering I am putting together for my business. I put it out to the universe; what I wanted to accomplish and sat there with a pad, and waited for Divine inspiration. Every time an idea came, I jotted it down. I know in no time I will have my ideas all put together so I can create something awesome. And still I had time to watch Tom hit a double, tag someone out at third and come home on an RBI. How cool is that?

Make Time for Dinner with Kids

I just read an article that confirmed what I already knew. Taking time to eat dinner with your kids in important. In fact, it may be one of the main factors in preventing addictive behavior. The information is so important I am including it in it's entirety here. So take time and dine.

Study Shows Dining With Family Reduces Teens' Risk of Addictions Back By Ed Thomas June 16, 2006 (AgapePress) - According to one national organization's research, eating dinner together as a family is not only good for bonding between family members but also cuts down on teens' risks of alcohol and drug addiction. The Columbia University-based National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has made the link between eating dinner as a family and teens' alcohol and drug addiction risk through analysis of eight years of results from an annual survey of teens. Center president Joseph Califano says the questions on the yearly survey of 12- to 17-year-olds have pointed to a clear pattern since the initial year of the study. "One of the things we've noticed in our surveys, beginning in 1996, was that the more often kids have dinner with their parents, the less likely those kids are to smoke, drink, or use drugs," Califano explains. Meanwhile, he notes, the survey has shown that "kids who have dinner with their parents less than three times a week are much likelier to smoke, to drink, or to use drugs than kids who have dinner with their parents five to seven times a week." Those teens who ate with their families five to seven times a week received the maximum benefit, the Center spokesman points out. He says this group enjoyed relief from the primary risk factors of stress, boredom, and pressure from academic demands in school. "And we find that the family dinner is on the wholesome side of every one of those pressures," Califano emphasizes. Eating together as a family, he asserts, "helps to reduce stress, it helps reduce boredom, and it certainly relates to a kid's academic performance." Because of the these findings, members of a supermarket industry group called the Food Marketing Institute are helping to promote the Center's "Family Day" on September 25. This initiative will encourage parents across the nation to eat dinner with their children on that date and to be aware of the benefits of dining as a family on a regular basis. © 2006 AgapePress all rights reserved.

Spring has Sprung

I am sitting at my computer next to the window which is open. I can feel a gentle breeze and smell the freshness of the cool evening. We just came home from a great baseball game. My boys love baseball, which is great because so do I. I find myself content in this place. Yes, there are challenges; and yet, in the quietness of this moment, they are but a grain of sand on the beach. For I am blessed with opportunities and abundance. As I breathe deeply, I meditate on my blessings.