I'm still organizing and decluttering

Will this ever end? Actually, I am enjoying this. You know it's bad when it takes days to do one room. Granted I am squeezing it in to my life around work and kids. What makes this time different? After all I have tried to do this many times before. Hmm. Thank you for asking.

After careful consideration, I realize that I am ready, and I have gone about it from a different angle. You see I started listening to Anthony Robbins Personal Power. Before, when I did not declutter, it was because I associated the act of decluttering with pain and stress. So it was a negative experience. After listening to his tapes I realized I needed to focus on the outcome, the joy and the benefits of a clutter-free life. Bam, it hit. I am only on tape three, and I cannot tell you how empowered I feel. I have listened to tape three twice because I am a slow learner, but usually once I learn something I get it for good. There is no stopping me now.

I cannot tell you how my perspective on life has changed in just one week, just because I reached out for help, was open to listen and decided to change my behavior and try something new. I must say this is hard work and takes time. I also must say it is worth it.

Is it me or have we gone too far?

I just read an article that on first blush seemed exciting to me. I am always excited when I see a business that is born out of a necessity. After all that's what entrepreneurs do. The premise of the article Metro Moms . . . is that families, in particular working mothers, face the challenge of working part-time or leaving work early so their kids can participate in afterschool and enrichment activities. Or they must just say no to their kids. To fill this need some resourceful entrepreneurs have created a buisness of transporting kids from school to activities or baby sitters. Seems pretty simple. Have problem, create a solution - win/win, right?

Then I got to thinking, what if the solution was to slow down. When I added up the possible cost of all this running and thought about the other expenses of working including baby sitting or after school programs/latch key programs, I couldn't help but wonder, what if we just said no to work. This might be easy for me to say because I have chosen to work part-time as a consultant/coach. This allows me the flexibility to have my cake and eat it to. I still have times when my kids need to stay late at school, or I have to make arrangements on the days they have off and the world does not. Yet, I also can go to PA meetings and talk to the teachers each day to see how my boys did. We play and color and work on projects every day.

If I had a traditional job it would actually cost me money to work based on what I would have to pay to have my kids taken care of when they were not in school. Not to mention when they get sick. Don't get me started on that. So I guess I am say that I like that there are people stepping forward to create industry where it is needed and also consider the option of creating alternative solutions of your own.

Can it be that simple?

Today I did something amazing. I spent two hours with a professional organizer who held my hand and helped me set up a filing system. Now you must know that I really do know how to file. In fact, I did this for a living for my clients. But it is interesting how different it is when you have to take care of your own stuff.

What is really amazing is the simple filing system that Tammy developed. I bought it from her and then she came and helped me set it up. (Normal people don't need that, I do) There are no words to describe how liberating today has been. A weight has been lifted. I feel a lightness that I cannot explain. I must admit for the first time I can say the fear is gone. I have been paralyzed by the papers. When we first started it was all I could do to hold the papers and envelopes in my lap. I could hardly bring myself to open them. Tammy took pity on me and helped me through the process. By the time she left, I was opening envelops with abandon. After she left I literally went through two years worth of envelopes and junk mail and filled three garbage bags. I am not only caught up, but I can tell you where my things are and why.

No, I cannot explain how this happened. It is a God thing. God brought Tammy into my life and then he gave me the courage to ask for help. He also let me do this with some dignity. I didn't even get sick. Usually just talking about the bills is enough to make me feel ill. I am so grateful. You have to check out her filing system, it is not only functional but pretty and it comes with instructions that are easy and fun to read. She calls it FindnFile. I am in awe.

It's a myth-understanding . . .

I will be the first to admit that finances are not my forte. In fact, it is my achilles heel. So I am striving to conquer this, for I have been told "Your biggest fear will become your biggest strength once you have conquered it." To that end I am doing research to understand it more and maybe to reveal why this is such a monumental challenge for me. I even called my mom and asked her to try to see if there were any messages that I might have gotten in my childhood that would be affecting my current financial reality. Much to my dismay, she could not think of any so I am on my own to muddle through this one.

In my research I came across an interesting article on the Myths of Finances and I thought it was good enough to share. Of course reading an article has not cured me of this life long phobia, but it is a step in the right direction. Enjoy.

Joys of Friendship

I have had time lately to reflect on life and it's nuances. Yes, I am actually making time for reflection. Upon these moments I have come to realize that one of the greatest joys in life is friendship.

I have some great friends in my life. My husband has been my best friend for the last 23 years.
You can imagine in the last 23 years we have grown. The best part is we grew together. I think in a great marriage one can say "You complete me," like in the movie Jerry McGuire. Not to say that you are nothing with out that person, but that the two together make even more than one. The two are greater than the whole. For me that is what I have in my husband.

And then there's Kathleen. She entered my life about 8 years ago and from the time we met it was like we had been friends our whole lives. Our friendship is interesting. There are times when we see each other on a daily or weekly basis and then times when it can be a month before we have a chance to have a meaningful conversation on the phone. Sometimes I just go to be in her presence, not needing anything but her being. And there are other times when I really ask for a hand up. The best part is she can do the same with me. She's my sanity check when the world seems a little askew. We laugh together and cry together. You rarely find someone with that kind of bond, and when you do it is amazing. The best part of our friendship is that I know it will be timeless. No matter where we are and what we are doing, we will be able to pick up where we left off.

Why am I sharing all of this? First because I am feeling it, so I am naming it. But more importantly, because I believe to be a streetsmart mom you have to acknowledge that you cannot do it alone. You are as strong as your weakest link and with strong bonds of friendship, your links only get stronger and become reinforced. Without a great friend in your life, it is hard. And quite frankly not much fun. So make time for the friends.

I'm on a roll . . .

but I must not sit down or I might fall asleep. Now that I see my desk it's time to face the other areas. Today I tackled a big one, all the stuff from my previous business. I am amazed at how well I did. It was my baby before my children so I expected lots of emotional garbage to go along with the process. Much to my surprise it was minimal. For the most part it was a like a walk through a memory, I never felt stuck. Yes, a twinge of sadness, some regrets, some laughs over how I little I knew when I started and how much I had grown. Overall it was a positive experience. I must say it is hard to let go, but I know that is not who I am today and I am learning to embrace my life now. I must move on.

I can see my desk!!!!

Banner day in my home office. I have a great friend who agreed to hold my hand as I sorted, discarded and talked about life. As we solved the world's woes, or at least those in our control, we accomplished a lot. I have a pile of stuff to discard, to keep and put away, and a plan of action for the office. The best part is that I will be doing the same for her next week. We decided to help each other. Let's face it, it's easy to do when it's not yours. So she was ruthless with my stuff and helped me be realistic. I will be able to do the same with her stuff. It's awesome.

Okay, He said it -- out loud

I knew it was in there, but today he actually articulated it. He feels that I have the kids in school too much. In particular David. I knew he thought that, but I was hoping it was getting better. So now what do I do?

My dilemma is that I have certain hours I must work because of our training schedule, and there are times I need to leave open for appointments. The truth is that I really need "Lia" time. I have truly been spoiled the last month and really enjoying my schedule. So the thought of giving up any of the time is a bit depressing. I also think it might be disruptive to the system that seems to be working right now.

Well wish me luck and any prayers you want to send my way would be appreciated as I work through this and find a way to make this work. The last thing I want is to harm the family so I can have time. So I will really review this and decide.

Streetsmart Moms have a Just Do It Mentality

Let's face it, life really does come at you fast. In a blink of an eye, the kids are in school and the memories are a blur. Streetsmart Moms can think on their feet. We tend to have to multi-task. We have a load of laundry in the washer, one in the dryer, food in the crockpot, we answer our emails, catch the cell phone and change a diaper, all within minutes.

"It's so hard when contemplated in advance, and so easy when you do it."
Robert M. Pirsig

I am sure many great things happened because someone just did something without going to a committee or finishing their degree or calling for approval. Sometimes we just have to go for it. As Ms. Frizzle says on the Magic School Bus "Take chances, get dirty." So go for it!

Does your Business Plan include the Kids?

This has always been my dilemma. How do you balance your business and it's activities and behaviors and being a mom and time with the kids. It seems there are days when my business takes over like a Tuesday when I start my day with a meeting and end it in the evening with a meeting. On those days, quality time with the kids is non-existent. Yet there are days when I can play all day and do my follow up with a quick email. The kids and I get to play and I still get a little work in. I just read an interesting article that points out the pitfalls of entrepreneurs with kids. It's part of Entrepreneurs series I read on line. Check it out.

The point is to plan balance in your business and life now and not when you are successful. Also, if you become successful be sure you handle the success well. I really appreciate the wisdom of the people who have gone before me.

Supermom vs. Deer in the Headlights

Okay, I admit it, I think differently than most. That isn't always a bad thing, right? Anyway, I was thinking about the reason we are so busy and so crazed lately in this society. Then I remembered the image of what I call the "Super Mom." There was a commercial for a perfume that had a women who could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, never let her husband forget he was a man. She was of course beautiful and seductive, with no stains on her clothes and all her hairs were in there place. Kind of like this women.



But the reality is that we try to do it all and we don't look like that. I am sure I am speaking only for myself, but on my best day I don't look like that. Why is the reality and the media image so different? I don't know, probably the people writing those messages are men. Fantasy is always better than reality. For me I look more like a deer looks like when they are faced with headlights or this other image I found. Makeup hides a multitude of circles.

So what is my point. Simply, don't be so hard on yourself. Do the best you can do in the moment you are. Be the best you can be. Learn to control what you can and ignore the rest. Ask for help and take naps. You life is short and there will always be laundry. Take time for a cup of coffee with a friend.

For moms who want to work from home . . .

One of the things I hear on a daily basis and sometimes hourly is how do you work from home? There are a lot of moms out there looking for a way to spend more time with their children and get some balance in their lives. That is something I am passionate about. I have been doing a lot of research on various web sites found that we are not alone. In fact there is a whole industry around the desire for a better quality of life which is quantified in time not necessarily money. Sure money is important, but at what cost.

Here is just one web site that I found that offers options and resources. It is a directory of careers that you can do from home. It is pretty cool and it has some tools you can download free. Check it out: E-Directory of Homebased Businesses. Let me know what you think once you use it. I have found it to be useful.

What do you do about the guilt?

I have to admit I have been feeling guilty. I have been having a good time balancing work, home and family. Yet there is this underlying feeling of "I should be with the boys more." Specifically, my youngest David who is 3. I tell myself that he's having a great time at school, playing and learning. So why do I feel guilty?

Is it that I am having fun? Am I not allowed to have fun? Is motherhood supposed to be only work and no play? I hear voices from my past and some from my current about "how motherhood is supposed to be enough" "why aren't you satisfied with being a mom" "why do you need to be so busy with outside activities?" Sometimes the voices are so loud it is hard to think.

Well I am here to say that I am a better mom because of all that I do. Yes, being a mom is important to me. I love my kids more than anything. I also love being in business and helping my clients reach their goals in sales through training and coaching. And I love having a few minutes to go to the supermarket by myself or to the mall. I love going to Borders to read a book, meet some friends and have a cup of coffee. Without all of this, I would deny my whole self and be incomplete. That would not be a great mom. That would be an unhappy mom. So I think that the guilt is okay and normal. It is probably a healthy way to keep yourself in check. I think the lessons my boys are getting by watching me be true to myself is helping them in the future as they become healthy adults.

The Results Are In

Working Mother has done it again. They created a report with the100 Best Companies . There was lots of criteria in five main areas which include: Flexibility, Leave for New Parents, Child Care, Work/Life and Advancing Women. I think it makes a great read and hope you will check it out. The truth is that companies are realizing that women are workforce to be reckoned with and are adjusting their corporate culture to reflect that.

And now for something completely different . . .

Well not really different, just interesting. Today was this year's first official PA (Parent Association) meeting at the school. Last year I got pretty involved with the PA and have made a commitment to continue with that involvement. After all, my kids are in the school's care, and I want to be sure I know what is going on and can help to improve their already amazing experience. It seems simple to me, the goal is to make the school a great place for the teachers to work, the students to learn and the parents to feel comfortable with the whole experience.

And as always in an organization with a Board, this is a new team with a new leader. So consequently there is a new agenda. Not a problem, we all want the same thing, right? So why do I feel so weird and uncomfortable after today's meeting? Flags are flying, and I am concerned. The good news is that we are all in this together, and I know the parents really do want what is best for the school. So even though I am not sure what I am feeling and why, I know it will all work out in the end. I am going to stay focused on the big picture and not get stuck in the little distractions. Those things will be handled and the kids will have a great year.

I have a schedule - for now. . .

Those who know me know that I am resistant to schedules because I have always lived life by the seat of my pants. So I fight anything that makes me feel boxed in. Then the kids came, and I also wanted to have a business, and a life. So it became apparent that a schedule was critical to any sanity I might want in my life. Fast forward to today. The boys are in school, and I have some discretionary time. Hmm. What do I do now? Why was I so lost? Then it hit me, just block out what I want and see how it works.

So here it is, Lia's schedule. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are my "work" days. That means that I will do my best to keep all my appointments on those days. Monday and Friday are my free days. That does not mean I sit home and eat bon bons all day (by the what's a bon bon?). It means that I can schedule appointments on those days or not. I can clean my house if I want to on those days. I can get a hair cut or have lunch with a friend. The sky is the limit. I can even go back to bed. So what does this do for me?

It is so liberating. I know that I have a good chunk of time to work and be productive. I also have enough time set aside for other things so I don't feel cheated or deprived. And, I have allowed myself flexibility in my schedule that if I need to do a personal task on a Tuesday that's ok, and if a seminar is on a Friday, no sweat. The main thing is I have the parameters set, and I can make good decisions now. Wow.

We're doing the Potty Dance

Did I mention that David is Potty Trained? And the truth is that he did it himself. We spent a week in Florida with two very accessible (and fun) bathrooms and lots of people to dote over every body function. So it did not take long to have a great week with lots of dancing and celebrating. Then came the ride home from Florida to PA. I stopped counting at 10 the number of bathrooms we used along the way, but it was worth all of them (well not all, some were pretty bad). David stayed dry and was feeling quite proud. Sunday Jim took him out to pick his very own underwear. Needless to say everyone who can fog a mirror has heard about this be accomplishment and usually get to see the cool NASCAR underwear.

As for the proud parents, we are thrilled. I suddenly realized I have not been without a diaper in my life for almost 7 years. This is way too cool.

Stuck in a groove . . .

Jim, my husband, pointed out that my posts have been few and far between. I know he meant that lovingly and that he also enjoys reading them and was just waiting for my next post. So instead of being angry at the feedback, I took it as a great boost.

So why haven't I written? Hmm. Well, life has been crazy. The truth is that I cannot seem to get my act together. I get one area of my life grooving, something else falters. The real kick is that I have more discretionary time than ever. So why isn't it working.?

It is true, life does fill up whatever time you have. So when I had less time, I seemed to get more done. Why does that happen? When you find out, let me know. So with all this in mind, I am trying to create a schedule, get some practices in place and get organized so that I can get my groove back. I don't want to get stuck in one groove. I'd rather be able to move throughout the grooves seamlessly. I'll keep you posted.

It's been a Long, Long Ride

Where has the summer gone? Where have I been? Why did I disappear to? After Grandma died it just got a bit crazy.

We spent a week in NY taking care of the family business. We then came home for a day and a half and we were off for our vacation. Yes, we drove to Florida (with two kids). No awards are necessary. Yes we are amazing. And yes the kids are still alive to tell the story. Seriously, it was a great trip and the kids were terrific. We were home two days before we started the whole school thing. Yes, the kids are back in school.

So why do I feel sooo weird. I cannot shake this sad, melancholy. A feeling of dread. It might be the disaster in the Gulf. Even when you try not to watch you cannot help seeing the images of hopelessness. Or maybe it is the feeling that my boys are growing up. Or is it fear on embarking on a new life with kids in school and the guilt of putting in David in extra school so I can have more time. Hmmm. Lots to think about.

So you can see why I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I've just slowly climbed the hill and as I peak over the top I do not know what I am heading into. I pray for guidance on this ride.

It's Over

Grandma's long, courageous battle is finally over. The Lord has finally brought her into his fold. Carole, my mother-in-law said she went peacufully in her sleep as she had prayed for. Now is the hard part. The missing part. I already feel the emptiness, and I didn't see her often because we live so far away. I can only imagine what Carole is feeling. The good news is she has a terrific support group of people who have surrounded her with love and support and are holding her hand every step of the way. I look forward to giving her a hug.

As for the kids, Jim, as always, was so sweet. He was gentle with the boys as he explained to them. They clearly understood. Then David gave his Dad a hug. It was tremendous. Tom, being a boy of what's next, asked when is the funeral. It's amazing what kids can handle and how well they do. I love them.