Okay, He said it -- out loud

I knew it was in there, but today he actually articulated it. He feels that I have the kids in school too much. In particular David. I knew he thought that, but I was hoping it was getting better. So now what do I do?

My dilemma is that I have certain hours I must work because of our training schedule, and there are times I need to leave open for appointments. The truth is that I really need "Lia" time. I have truly been spoiled the last month and really enjoying my schedule. So the thought of giving up any of the time is a bit depressing. I also think it might be disruptive to the system that seems to be working right now.

Well wish me luck and any prayers you want to send my way would be appreciated as I work through this and find a way to make this work. The last thing I want is to harm the family so I can have time. So I will really review this and decide.

Streetsmart Moms have a Just Do It Mentality

Let's face it, life really does come at you fast. In a blink of an eye, the kids are in school and the memories are a blur. Streetsmart Moms can think on their feet. We tend to have to multi-task. We have a load of laundry in the washer, one in the dryer, food in the crockpot, we answer our emails, catch the cell phone and change a diaper, all within minutes.

"It's so hard when contemplated in advance, and so easy when you do it."
Robert M. Pirsig

I am sure many great things happened because someone just did something without going to a committee or finishing their degree or calling for approval. Sometimes we just have to go for it. As Ms. Frizzle says on the Magic School Bus "Take chances, get dirty." So go for it!

Does your Business Plan include the Kids?

This has always been my dilemma. How do you balance your business and it's activities and behaviors and being a mom and time with the kids. It seems there are days when my business takes over like a Tuesday when I start my day with a meeting and end it in the evening with a meeting. On those days, quality time with the kids is non-existent. Yet there are days when I can play all day and do my follow up with a quick email. The kids and I get to play and I still get a little work in. I just read an interesting article that points out the pitfalls of entrepreneurs with kids. It's part of Entrepreneurs series I read on line. Check it out.

The point is to plan balance in your business and life now and not when you are successful. Also, if you become successful be sure you handle the success well. I really appreciate the wisdom of the people who have gone before me.

Supermom vs. Deer in the Headlights

Okay, I admit it, I think differently than most. That isn't always a bad thing, right? Anyway, I was thinking about the reason we are so busy and so crazed lately in this society. Then I remembered the image of what I call the "Super Mom." There was a commercial for a perfume that had a women who could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, never let her husband forget he was a man. She was of course beautiful and seductive, with no stains on her clothes and all her hairs were in there place. Kind of like this women.



But the reality is that we try to do it all and we don't look like that. I am sure I am speaking only for myself, but on my best day I don't look like that. Why is the reality and the media image so different? I don't know, probably the people writing those messages are men. Fantasy is always better than reality. For me I look more like a deer looks like when they are faced with headlights or this other image I found. Makeup hides a multitude of circles.

So what is my point. Simply, don't be so hard on yourself. Do the best you can do in the moment you are. Be the best you can be. Learn to control what you can and ignore the rest. Ask for help and take naps. You life is short and there will always be laundry. Take time for a cup of coffee with a friend.

For moms who want to work from home . . .

One of the things I hear on a daily basis and sometimes hourly is how do you work from home? There are a lot of moms out there looking for a way to spend more time with their children and get some balance in their lives. That is something I am passionate about. I have been doing a lot of research on various web sites found that we are not alone. In fact there is a whole industry around the desire for a better quality of life which is quantified in time not necessarily money. Sure money is important, but at what cost.

Here is just one web site that I found that offers options and resources. It is a directory of careers that you can do from home. It is pretty cool and it has some tools you can download free. Check it out: E-Directory of Homebased Businesses. Let me know what you think once you use it. I have found it to be useful.

What do you do about the guilt?

I have to admit I have been feeling guilty. I have been having a good time balancing work, home and family. Yet there is this underlying feeling of "I should be with the boys more." Specifically, my youngest David who is 3. I tell myself that he's having a great time at school, playing and learning. So why do I feel guilty?

Is it that I am having fun? Am I not allowed to have fun? Is motherhood supposed to be only work and no play? I hear voices from my past and some from my current about "how motherhood is supposed to be enough" "why aren't you satisfied with being a mom" "why do you need to be so busy with outside activities?" Sometimes the voices are so loud it is hard to think.

Well I am here to say that I am a better mom because of all that I do. Yes, being a mom is important to me. I love my kids more than anything. I also love being in business and helping my clients reach their goals in sales through training and coaching. And I love having a few minutes to go to the supermarket by myself or to the mall. I love going to Borders to read a book, meet some friends and have a cup of coffee. Without all of this, I would deny my whole self and be incomplete. That would not be a great mom. That would be an unhappy mom. So I think that the guilt is okay and normal. It is probably a healthy way to keep yourself in check. I think the lessons my boys are getting by watching me be true to myself is helping them in the future as they become healthy adults.

The Results Are In

Working Mother has done it again. They created a report with the100 Best Companies . There was lots of criteria in five main areas which include: Flexibility, Leave for New Parents, Child Care, Work/Life and Advancing Women. I think it makes a great read and hope you will check it out. The truth is that companies are realizing that women are workforce to be reckoned with and are adjusting their corporate culture to reflect that.

And now for something completely different . . .

Well not really different, just interesting. Today was this year's first official PA (Parent Association) meeting at the school. Last year I got pretty involved with the PA and have made a commitment to continue with that involvement. After all, my kids are in the school's care, and I want to be sure I know what is going on and can help to improve their already amazing experience. It seems simple to me, the goal is to make the school a great place for the teachers to work, the students to learn and the parents to feel comfortable with the whole experience.

And as always in an organization with a Board, this is a new team with a new leader. So consequently there is a new agenda. Not a problem, we all want the same thing, right? So why do I feel so weird and uncomfortable after today's meeting? Flags are flying, and I am concerned. The good news is that we are all in this together, and I know the parents really do want what is best for the school. So even though I am not sure what I am feeling and why, I know it will all work out in the end. I am going to stay focused on the big picture and not get stuck in the little distractions. Those things will be handled and the kids will have a great year.

I have a schedule - for now. . .

Those who know me know that I am resistant to schedules because I have always lived life by the seat of my pants. So I fight anything that makes me feel boxed in. Then the kids came, and I also wanted to have a business, and a life. So it became apparent that a schedule was critical to any sanity I might want in my life. Fast forward to today. The boys are in school, and I have some discretionary time. Hmm. What do I do now? Why was I so lost? Then it hit me, just block out what I want and see how it works.

So here it is, Lia's schedule. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are my "work" days. That means that I will do my best to keep all my appointments on those days. Monday and Friday are my free days. That does not mean I sit home and eat bon bons all day (by the what's a bon bon?). It means that I can schedule appointments on those days or not. I can clean my house if I want to on those days. I can get a hair cut or have lunch with a friend. The sky is the limit. I can even go back to bed. So what does this do for me?

It is so liberating. I know that I have a good chunk of time to work and be productive. I also have enough time set aside for other things so I don't feel cheated or deprived. And, I have allowed myself flexibility in my schedule that if I need to do a personal task on a Tuesday that's ok, and if a seminar is on a Friday, no sweat. The main thing is I have the parameters set, and I can make good decisions now. Wow.

We're doing the Potty Dance

Did I mention that David is Potty Trained? And the truth is that he did it himself. We spent a week in Florida with two very accessible (and fun) bathrooms and lots of people to dote over every body function. So it did not take long to have a great week with lots of dancing and celebrating. Then came the ride home from Florida to PA. I stopped counting at 10 the number of bathrooms we used along the way, but it was worth all of them (well not all, some were pretty bad). David stayed dry and was feeling quite proud. Sunday Jim took him out to pick his very own underwear. Needless to say everyone who can fog a mirror has heard about this be accomplishment and usually get to see the cool NASCAR underwear.

As for the proud parents, we are thrilled. I suddenly realized I have not been without a diaper in my life for almost 7 years. This is way too cool.

Stuck in a groove . . .

Jim, my husband, pointed out that my posts have been few and far between. I know he meant that lovingly and that he also enjoys reading them and was just waiting for my next post. So instead of being angry at the feedback, I took it as a great boost.

So why haven't I written? Hmm. Well, life has been crazy. The truth is that I cannot seem to get my act together. I get one area of my life grooving, something else falters. The real kick is that I have more discretionary time than ever. So why isn't it working.?

It is true, life does fill up whatever time you have. So when I had less time, I seemed to get more done. Why does that happen? When you find out, let me know. So with all this in mind, I am trying to create a schedule, get some practices in place and get organized so that I can get my groove back. I don't want to get stuck in one groove. I'd rather be able to move throughout the grooves seamlessly. I'll keep you posted.

It's been a Long, Long Ride

Where has the summer gone? Where have I been? Why did I disappear to? After Grandma died it just got a bit crazy.

We spent a week in NY taking care of the family business. We then came home for a day and a half and we were off for our vacation. Yes, we drove to Florida (with two kids). No awards are necessary. Yes we are amazing. And yes the kids are still alive to tell the story. Seriously, it was a great trip and the kids were terrific. We were home two days before we started the whole school thing. Yes, the kids are back in school.

So why do I feel sooo weird. I cannot shake this sad, melancholy. A feeling of dread. It might be the disaster in the Gulf. Even when you try not to watch you cannot help seeing the images of hopelessness. Or maybe it is the feeling that my boys are growing up. Or is it fear on embarking on a new life with kids in school and the guilt of putting in David in extra school so I can have more time. Hmmm. Lots to think about.

So you can see why I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I've just slowly climbed the hill and as I peak over the top I do not know what I am heading into. I pray for guidance on this ride.

It's Over

Grandma's long, courageous battle is finally over. The Lord has finally brought her into his fold. Carole, my mother-in-law said she went peacufully in her sleep as she had prayed for. Now is the hard part. The missing part. I already feel the emptiness, and I didn't see her often because we live so far away. I can only imagine what Carole is feeling. The good news is she has a terrific support group of people who have surrounded her with love and support and are holding her hand every step of the way. I look forward to giving her a hug.

As for the kids, Jim, as always, was so sweet. He was gentle with the boys as he explained to them. They clearly understood. Then David gave his Dad a hug. It was tremendous. Tom, being a boy of what's next, asked when is the funeral. It's amazing what kids can handle and how well they do. I love them.

How did my Mom do it?

How can two boys who kiss and hug each other one minute wrestle the next? I know my Mom said my sister and I fought like crazy (ok I also remember), and now we are best friends. The question is how do the boys live to become friends? How do I survive? I decided to do some research and found a cool website and an article on Why Siblings Fight. I hope you enjoy it. I plan on reading it over and over till I figure something out. It's either that or some really strong Duct Tape.

The Plan - For What It's Worth

Well I heard it again yesterday at a Toastmaster's Officer's training meeting - First you must create then plan and then you must work the plan. Hmm. Sounds good.

The Plan - When School Starts (yipee - can you see me dancing)

• Get back on track with God no matter what the distractions.
  
• Work the equivalent of three full days - work around kids school schedule.
• Organize the house and declutter - get help from Organize it All.
• Get bills organized and a budget - we have big goals that depend on this.
• Have at least 3 hours of "me" time a week - the hardest one to visualize.

The Goal - The Why
When I do all that I say that I am going to do, I will reap the benefits of:

• A cluttered free mind and home.
• A spiritual awakening and joy once again.
• Security and bent toward the future.
• Peace of mind.

Consider it done - or as it might be said "make it so."

Since I Gave Up, God Took Over

Thanks God. Today I can say that I rode out that storm. It was brief and turbulent, and in the end all survived. A bit wounded, but not life threatening. What I have learned is that I cannot do it all. I need to ask for help, sooner. I need to create time for me, sooner. I mean it needs to get on my calendar first and then fill in appointments. I also learned that meetings out side the home does not count as "me" time. I also learned that God can't help me until I am ready. Thank you.

Okay, I give up!!!

Last night I hit the wall. It has been a difficult week. Although my performance in my sales career has been excellent, my personal life just went crazy. On Monday my kids had a bad hair day and they weren't going alone. Apparently while they were at camp, when they weren't in time out, they were terrorizing the other little campers. Let's just say an incident report needed to be filled out. I get a call to come and get them and by they way they might not be welcome back. Then came Tuesday. This is a day that I normally have a weekly training from 8:00 to 11:00. What I thought was a reliable sitter turned out not to be as reliable as I needed. Okay, she has not been dependable in the past, but I had no one else (my bad) so I counted out her. Well, we must have had what we call "mutual mystification" because she never came and she did not think she was supposed to be there. That was different from my understanding. Needless to say, I was beside myself, which is hard to do. On top of that I don't have air conditioning and it was hot, really hot.

So at 12:00 in the morning, after my kids woke up for more water, I could not go to sleep. My mind was racing. My life seemed hopeless. I was making plans (okay, I'm being dramatic). I literally got out of bed so I wouldn't wake Jim up with my crying. He woke up and came down and just sat with me and we had a very incoherent conversation through my tears and then I could sleep. But poor Jim now was awake. He eventually went to sleep.

The sun rose and it was a new day. I cleared my mind and decided I was going to take charge so I had a pow wow with the boys about what they would do in camp today. I knew they would comply, after all the alternatives were not pretty. I went to work and had a great day doing what I love to do. I set up my plan for child care for Tuesday's and Thursday (starting next Tuesday). I took the boys to the game room at the mall and got them popcorn. We had a fun dinner and went to VBS.

Yes, today was a much better day. My mind was clear and I was able to channel my resources to develop and implement a plan. Thanks for the morning.

Endless Summer Syndrome - It's Got a Name

I knew I wasn't crazy (yet). Here is proof. Read this article and step into my world. Hope you enjoy it.

Whelton: Coping with Endless Summer Syndrome
By Jack Whelton/ Among Friends
Friday, July 29, 2005

So when you are feeling a little crazy and the you start to check how much gas you have in the tank and how far it will take you, remember September is almost here.

A date - With My Son

My husband and I were talking about how hard it is to spend special time with each of or boys. When we just had Tom, Jim had time to take him for their special walks or bike rides. And Tom and I spent lots of one-on-one time. Then came David. He is a joy to be around, most of the time. But the quandary became, when does Tom get just us. And David was always part of a team.

Tonight we tried something and I think it worked. I took Tom and Jim took David. Jim is not back yet so I don't know how their night has gone. By the way, where are they those dirty stay outs. As for Tom and I, we had a great night. We met a friend and the kids played in a gym - ran and jumped till they were dripping with sweat. Then we went to dinner. It's interesting how the dynamics are so different when Tom does not have to compete with David. It was very nice. I could tell Tom really appreciated it, he was beaming.

Next we will change things up a little and I will take David and Jim will take Tom. If we do this once a month for each that will give us each a night out with the boys. Now we just have to find time for a date for mommy and daddy. Hmm.

Remember Count to Ten

I called a friend today and immediately I realized she was having one of those moments. You know them, the one where you think if you could just catch your kids you would woop them. Apparently it had been a day of moments like that on top of a particularly difficult day for her physically. I offered to come over and help clean up the mess she was cleaning and she declined. I let her know I was available if she needed me, as always.

Later in the day I called to check in to see if anyone ended up in the hospital or was she ready for the rubber room. By then things were calming down. What changed? When I first called she was able to vent. She then sent the kids to their rooms and gave herself some space. And then, this was key, she took a shower. It's amazing how cathartic a shower can be. She was able to start fresh and clean with enough energy to face the rest of the day. Until tomorrow.

So when the day is crazy, get a shower. Seriously, when I was in my "self-awareness" mode and working on my issues many years back, I remember hearing at a meeting that when you are having a day that seems to be spiraling out of control you should literally get back in bed, get out of bed and start the day over, including taking a shower. I have actually done that and it works. So if you need to start your day over, go ahead, I give you permission to go back to bed, and while your there feel free to take a nap.