Growing Up is Hard to Do

I cannot get this song out of my head. All I keep singing in my head "Growing Up is Hard to Do" to the tune of "Breaking Up is Hard to Do." I have a warped way of looking at things at times.

In the last month, I have had to face some difficult challenges and basically grow up. It has required that I step out of my comfort zone and face some fears which I had allowed to grow monumental in size. The first week or two of this journey, I will admit was extremely painful. I will also admit, I did not handle it gracefully. However, as the weeks have gone on, and I have stayed the course, it is amazing the feeling of freedom I am feeling. Did I mention that I don't do anger well?

So I sit here at 10:34 pm on my computer, still in the mire of this mess. Clearly not out of the woods, yet I have a sense of peace and hope. What have I gotten out of all of this? My mind reels at all the blessings that have come out of this self induced trauma.

• My husband and I are much closer,


• I have learned we can fight and still love each other,


• I am facing a fear and living to write about it,


• Our family became a more solid unit,


• We got back to basics which included Church,


• I found out God is patient and always waiting for us to surrender,


• I also found out that I don't have to handle everything, (unfortunately I learned that before and forgot it somewhere along the way) and


• Mostly I learned to be gentle with myself, ask for what I need and accept my limitations.

I just love it when a plan comes together.

God of Second Chances

I remember going to see Jonah (the VeggieTales Movie) with my family. One of my favorite scenes was when Jonah was in the Belly of the Whale. That is when a Gospel chorus sang a song about God being the God of Second Chances! It was an inspirational moment. I am now feeling like I have been given a new lease on life, a second chance. Things are not better by any stretch of the imagination. However, I am getting through. The cool part is I am learning that even though life can get ugly, I can survive the ugly. I am not so scared of the ugly anymore. I am taking it one day at a time and enjoying it. I know it will be a long haul out of my hole. After all I did not get in this hole overnight. Yet I feel confident I not only will get out, but I will stay out. This time it feels different. I am learning from my mistakes and becoming empowered by my new skills.

Thank you God!

Hanging on by a Thread

It's been a while since I have written. I feel like it's been a roller coaster ride of a Summer. I must say right at this moment I am hanging on by a thread. I hate this feeling. I am on edge and feeling very anxious. There are many factors, but there are two main ones. First I made some major mistakes that are causing yucky consequences. And second, I have not had a moment to myself in close to a month. I have been "on" almost non-stop. The only time I get break is late in the evening when I am too tired to enjoy it. It's been hot, sticky and I am filled with fear. So what does this all mean? It means that I have moved away from God and His promises and tried to take control of my life again. Guess what? It does not work. Everytime I do that, boom, here I am in an all too familiar place. The sad part is that I feel too guilty to turn back to God. I feel ashamed to walk in to Church. As I hold on to the thread, I feel it unraveling and my arms are growing weak. Lord, I call out to you for help. I am tired and can't hold on any longer by myself. Please hold on to me.

Dream a big Dream . . .

Wow, I got this video from Vic Johnson, one of my mentors and I just had to share it with you. Please take a minute and watch it. If you are a mush ball like me, grab a box of tissues and enjoy. Just remember, anything is possible if you just believe. The video - Living your Dream.

A new day is coming!

Okay, so it was not the greatest day. I was feeling a bit manic. I am learning a lot about myself, and the one thing I am learning is that I need my space. I need solitude, and I need it during times when I have energy, not at the end of the day when I am spent like a wet rag. I love my kids, and I love my space.

Summer time is particularly hard to get enough of the me time I require. So I have to rethink my summer and come up with a plan. I know I will find a way. Next week we start camp and that will help a lot. The boys will burn off some needed energy and I will have some time. I have hope in my moments of darkness. I realize this is just a brief blip on the screen and time moves oh so quickly.

As I sit here and write, I enjoy the quiet of the night. The sound of peace and comfort in knowing my boys are enjoying a good nights sleep and dreaming of chasing fire flies at night. Life is good and lessons are hard. Now it's off to bed, a great book and my own slumber.

Siblings -- Argh!!!

If anyone out there is reading, can you tell me how you get two boys to stop fighting. One is almost 7 and the other is 5. One minute they love each other, the next it's fireworks. I just want to lock them in their rooms till they go off to college. Any and all words of wisdom are welcome.

When is school starting?

The kids have only been off a week, and I am already counting the days until the first day of school. What is going on? Two weeks ago, I was so excited about getting my boys home all to myself. Now I feel somewhat frazzled. Okay, Tom has been sick for four days of his first week off. I have been under a lot of stress because of my friend Sameh and his situation. But will they ever stop pushing each other's buttons. I feel more like a referee than a mom. Calgon take me away.

Camp starts on Monday, I know I will feel much better then. So will they. They need more activities and structure and lots of play. Until then, it's going to take a lot of patience, some deep breaths and a visit to Borders to unwind.

Save Sameh

Is it me or is the world gone crazy. My friend who came to this country after fleeing for his life. He got off the plane bleeding and beaten, needing stitches so he was taken to the hospital and then based on our lovely immigration system (yes that was sarcasm) he was immediately put in INS detention which by the way is in a maximum security prison. After 8 long years and he finally he was release under the grounds of CAT. What the means is Convention Against Torture. In short, if he is sent back to Egypt he will definitely be tortured and most certainly be killed. While he has been out he has gotten a very respectable job, takes care of his mother and sends money to his family still suffering in Egypt. He has never taken a dime from the Government in the way of public assistance or subsidies. He has been involved in his community and loved by all the meet him. Then one day, the day after memorial day, he walks in to sign in as has done for the last year and some months, only to find out that he was put back in prison and being deported to Egypt. Why, because Egypt has agreed not to torture him (said tongue in cheek). Please pray for Sameh and his family as we work feverishly to stop this atrocity and the inhumanity of this situation. We know for a fact that a paper signed to not torture will not stop what is short of a death sentence for Sameh.

Have you ever felt completely helpless!!!

I sit here with this overwhelming sense of disbelief and helplessness. I have a friend going through something terrible, we are doing everything we can to help him and his mom and yet, with everything we are doing, it still could go terribly wrong. Why am I sharing this here, because it is so much a part of who I am, I needed to release it to the world. My whole family and all my friends are involved and hoping thing go well. But we are out of our depth. When I am asked, "What can I do?" The only response I have is Pray, Pray life you have never prayed before. So today I am asking, if you read this and you are so inclined, please pray for my friend and his mom. Pray the God will protect them and in his time and wisdom help all to cope with this situation and find some peace and resolution. I thank you for you time and indulgence.

It's the simple things

I am sitting here thinking about what a nice evening I had with my boys. After a fun dinner they asked for dessert. I offered them an orange to which David replied "You mean the sweetest oranges in the world?" And of course I replied, "yes." Then it was the bed time routine which includes teeth brushing, pjs, story time, songs, prayers, kisses and then it's off to bed. The cool part now is that Tom insists on reading to us. He loves to read and asks for more reading time. What a blessing. The final piece is I sing a special song I created for each of them that I call the "I love you song."

As I sit on my computer, I am filled with joy at how wonderful the boys are turning out.

What's a girl to do?

Have you ever felt so powerless you feel like pulling your hair out. That is how I feel today. I have people in my life that are struggling with things, and I cannot fix it for them. I am a fixer by nature, so it is hard for me to just sit back and just be there for them.

The part that is so frustrating is that when people get in this place, they become paralyzed by the enormity of the situation and their own feelings of powerlessness. So they end up walking in circles, talking to themselves, picking things up and putting them down, moving from one room and forgetting why they went their in the first place and not sleeping, just to name a few. I want to use my magic wand to fix it and then I realize that is only on TV. I don't have a magic wand so all I can do is listen and be supportive, perhaps every now and then offer a voice of reason. It's not easy.

There is one thing I can do, and I do that every night, pray.

Ah . . . This is living!

Today I experienced something wonderful, a pedicure. Seems simple, yet it was almost a spiritual experience. As I sat still for an hour and had someone take care of me for a complete hour, I just sat and stayed present. I felt all the feelings. The warmth of the water, the roughness of the scrub and the stone, the gentleness and tingling of the lotions and then my feet were heated with hot towels. This experience ended with a touch of color. Seems simple yet it was so splendid. I don't often sit still, and I never am quiet. It was nice to be pampered. For me it was like a little vacation and now I have "Happy Feet." I recommend it to everyone.

Is it that time again?

"Summer time and the living is easy." Who ever wrote those words to a song, never ran a business and had children all at the same time. As I sit here with the sun shinning and the temperatures reaching 85, I realized that in three short weeks my boys will be out of school. The good news is that this year I have a plan. I feel somewhat calmer than I usually do. Is that the calm before the storm? (Think positive, don't go there.) I am looking forward to a great summer filled with fun, sun, boys and toys and plenty of work to keep me busy. Catch me in four weeks and we will see how things are going?

Snuggle Time is Special Time

It's funny how the little things in life mean so much. As the boys get older and bigger, life clearly gets more hectic. Not in a bad way, all good stuff. Yet there are moments when you just want to slow down. It is in those moments that I get the nuggets I need to help me keep moving when I don't feel like moving. Like a snuggle with David and his "sweety" bunny on the floor, usually with a blanket and a good story. Or tucking Tom in to bed and he wants a few minutes to talk. It is in those moments that I know life is good. Life is full of hard choices, and great rewards if you take time to see.

Was that me who said yes?

Oops! I did it again. In a weak moment I was asked if I would co-president the Parents Association Board. I said sure, if no one else steps up to the plate. After all, I thought, someone else will surely throw in their hat for the position. Long story short, I am co-president. The good news is the other co-president is a very responsible person who I think will be great to work with. So I look forward to another great year of helping make the school a better place to be. Wish me luck.

When the kitchen gets too hot, put out the fire!

What does that mean? Let me put it this way, I woke up one day and found out that life was getting a little bit crazy, and I was no longer in control. Maybe I have never been in control. So once I realized that my business was taking over my life and my kids were getting left behind, I took a moment to regroup. Today, two weeks away from Mother's Day, I can safely say that I think it's all coming together.

• I had a meeting with my biggest client and gracefully explained that I was not ready to take on so many hours, and I would be happy to help them find a replacement for me,
• I started an new profit center in my business that will allow me to take care of my business and my family - check it out: www.businessmarketinggym.com,
• I started carving out time for myself, yes me.

It is like a fog has lifted and a my burden is lightened. I am sleeping better. My kids are happier. My house is cleaner. And I am happier. What a great feeling. I am glad I listened to myself and my kids and reexamined my priorities. There will be lots of time to make money, but, I only have today to give to my boys.

Romantic Valentines?

Valentine's Day is our wedding anniversary. I have been married 20 years this year -- hard to believe. So what do you do on such a special day when you have a 7 and 4 year old? Share the celebration! After all we are a family now, all of us. So we are going to have fun together by going to a sporting event wtih the boys. They will love it, and I get a night out. Not a bad deal. I guess romance can come later.

Change Your Thoughts to Change Your Life

I am always looking for ways to improve and become a better person. I recently came across a free e-book and downloaded it. It is clearly changing who I am, and how I think. It is so powerful I felt the need to share it with you. It's called As a Man Thinketh by James Allen. Check it out.

As A Man Thinketh Download a FREE eBook of James Allen’s

What happened to the Time?

Oh my goodness!!! I just came to my blog and found it has been more than a month since I posted. Where has all the time gone. It's a new year and a new blog!

Well, I'm back. The holidays got the best of me and something had to give. I was able to manage my business which was pretty hectic, make cookies, get ready for the holidays, help at the school and survive the winter break in one piece. So now it is time to get serious. I am here to say 2007 is going to be the year of action. Last year, 2006 was my year of rebirth and integrity. This year it is all about action! Stay tuned.

. . . Hear Us Roar

Wow, I was just blown away by some amazing statistics. Check them out for yourself:


Women-Owned Businesses Continue to Outpace Growth Rates for All Other Firms
09-12-2006

Washington, DC – Women-owned firms continue to grow at twice the rate of all firms, according to the biennial update by the Center for Women’s Business Research.
As of 2006, the Center estimates there are 7.7 million majority women-owned firms (firms at least 51% owned by a woman or women). Between 1997 and 2006 the number of majority women-owned firms increased from 5.4 to 7.7 million, an increase of 42%, almost double that of all firms (23%).

OPEN from American ExpressSM is the exclusive underwriter of the 2006 biennial update.
“The number of women-owned firms has grown at around twice the rate of all firms for more than two decades,” said Marjorie Alfus, chair of the Center for Women’s Business Research. “Women business owners are significant players in the nation’s economy and their momentum shows no sign of slowing down.”

The new projections also show that there are 10.4 million businesses 50% or more owned by a woman or women that employ 13 million employees and generate nearly $2 trillion ($1.9) in revenues.

In 2006, majority women-owned firms are expected to generate more than $1 trillion ($1.1) in revenues and employ 7.2 million workers. Nearly three-quarters (74%) of all women-owned firms are majority women-owned.

“OPEN from American Express is an active partner of women entrepreneurs as they grow their businesses,” said Susan Sobbott, president, OPEN from American ExpressSM. “Our work with the Center for Women’s Business Research helps quantify the significant contribution women are making in the economy in terms of economic growth and job creation. And through our Make Mine a $Million Business program (www.makemineamillion.org) we are changing the lives of women entrepreneurs by helping them turn high-potential businesses into million-dollar enterprises.”

The fastest growing industry sectors for majority-owned firms (between 1997 and 2006) are wholesale trade (283%), health care services (130%), arts, entertainment and recreation (117%), and professional, scientific and technical services (83%). The largest percentage of majority women-owned firms is in the service sector (69%) followed by retail trade (14%).
The 2006 regional, state and metro updates of women-owned businesses will be released in late fall of this year.