The Good Old Days

Today I had a personal revelation. I was getting dinner ready and washing some dishes while my mother-in-law was playing with the kids. She was helping Tom with his homework and David with a computer game. It was calm and there was just a nice energy in the house. I was not stressed about how to get it all done. I was at peace. What was different? Then I realized I was not alone. Now I know that I am never alone. Yes, for me the Good Lord is always with me, guiding my steps. But I actually had a warm body who also loved my boys in the house.

Then I thought back to my childhood. My dad was sick with cancer. He died when I was 13. I lived in a place that had a courtyard, in what was called garden apartments. In my complex lived my uncle and his family, my grandparents and my dad's cousin. As a kid, I never knew if my dad was going to be home and all right when I got home from school. There were times he was rushed to the hospital and someone else was there to take care of us. My mom never had to worry about help, it was a few doors down. The sense of family, the community that took care of each other, I guess the clan was there. So even though life was stressful, we took care of each other.

Now fast forward to today. Most families don't think twice about moving to other cities and even other states to live and raise their families. And now I ask myself, at what cost. I am here in my town, essentially alone. Because of who I am I have created a surrogate family but it's not the same. Having this precious time with my mother-in-law has made me realize just how much our generation and future generations are missing by the global movement. Thomas Hilton, the architect talks about creating villages in his work and I long for the village way of life.

It's Official - I wrote them down!

What am I talking about. Today, I took a huge step for Lia-kind. I wrote down three aggressive goals for myself including deadlines and action steps. Yes, I am ready to go to the next level.

It all started because I was fortunate enough to participate in a program with a Marketing Coach, Milana Leshinsky (www.milana.com), that gave me a free goal setting session with Solution Box Coaching (www.freegoalsreport.com). In 5 minutes, I filled out an assessment and now I have a goal setting report that I can refer to. And I even set up an accountability component to this. Pretty amazing. So here I am saying "What have I done?" After all, now I have to do it. It's in writing.

The power of written goals is amazing. I will let you know how it goes. I should be miles ahead on January 7, 2007. Check in and see!!!

Sometimes We Just Have To Believe

It has been a difficult 24 hours, for many reasons. First there was the news about the Amish School and it's tragedy. Who can be a mom and not feel agony as the horror unfolded. Then I was checking in with a friend, whom I am collaborating with to create an event for school. She was having a bad day. She had to have a mole removed that was suspicious and of course all the fear was right there for her. She has three young boys and she ran through all the worse case senarios. As for me, I was feeling like a terrible mom because I had went shopping with my two boys and lets say it was not a positive experience. And by the time I got home, my boys were grounded to their rooms for life (okay, I am exaggerating, it was just until I got dinner ready). And I took my time. As I went off to sleep, I prayed for everyone. It was a day filled with sadness and yes hope.

And then the morning came. On the way to school we saw a rainbow. It was a sign to me that God is still in control, even in the midst of these trials. We don't see the big picture, just our little frame. He does and we have to trust that he has our best interest in mind. And yes, he is not picking on us, he is picking us up.

It's That Time of Year Again

Yes, the results are in and the issue is out. Working Mothers Magazine has published it's list of the top 100 companies to work for. To check it out for yourself, just click on the article link: 100 Best Companies.

What I found interesting is what they measured. Seven areas are measured and scored: workforce profile, compensation, child care, flexibility, time off and leaves, family-friendly programs and company culture.

It is clear that companies are getting the message. Women are valuable employees and if companies want their contribution, they are going to have to create an environment that is women friendly, family friendly. Way to go Moms!!

Where there's a will, there's a Mother

In the course of my day I do research on many topics. Usually it is to help a client, to understand their needs more. Sometimes, it's for me. I am always looking to see if there are people like me out there. And if so, how do they do it. I love to hear about success stories as well as the struggles. It helps me stay grounded. I recently stumbled across an article about how women are creating their own environments to enable them to balance family and career. They are looking for ways to be whole people who are parents. I wanted to share this with you because I found it encouraging. Enjoy. It's called: Career moms find new ways to make it work

I Need a New Super Hero!!!

Okay, maybe not a super hero, maybe just a clue. Here is the question, how long does it take to get boys to actually hit the toilet when they urinate? (I guess I should have put on the potty talk disclaimer.) There are days when I feel like I could clean the bathroom on a daily basis and it would still smell like the stairwell in a subway station. I posed this question to the Financial Director at the school where my boys go. I was hoping for some encouragement, after all her boys are now older. Alas, she threw her hands up and said she's learned to just give up and not sweat the small stuff.

Maybe someone could invent a toilet that does cool stuff inside when the urine hits it. Like a magical bullseye appears as they hit the water. Boys are competitive, they would want to win. It puts a whole new twist to the term "pissing contest."

Maybe someone can create a toilet that when urine hits the outside sounds a loud alarm and magically releases wipes for the perpertrator to use.

I am not sure what the answer is, but I know that I long for a day that I have two bathrooms. One for "them" and one for me. In the meantime I dream of the superhero who can clean it faster than I can. In the book Captain Underpants the talked about creating "The Urinator." I think his time has come.

How Do You Spell Relief . . . School!!!!

Yippee!! If you could hear me, you would hear the sounds of giggling and squealing with joy. Today as I drove to the school to drop off my boys, there was a great feeling of elation. The boys were so excited. They could not wait to see their friends. They hugged their teachers and got busy doing what they do best, have fun. I left feeling satisfied that they were in good hands and content. I then moved on to my next two appointments. Both went well. One actually went great. For a brief moment I was starting to feel that familiar feeling again, wholeness, competency. I know this sounds strange, but for me being part of something outside of me is important and what I do for a living really energizes me. As I sit with my clients I fill up with joy as I am able to help them. And then as I round up my boys, I am content to be with them. I actually had time to miss them. It was a great day.

Can you hear that sound?

Yes, it's the sound of the clock ticking. The back to school clock. It's only 47 hours until the official first day of school. Yes, I am counting the hours. I am also preparing a list of things I want to get done during my window of opportunity that the kids are in school. I am finding if I don't have a list, I don't get anything done. It's interesting the more time I have to myself, the less I get done so the list helps.

Don't get me wrong, I will miss my kids. I will also appreciate them more when I see them in the afternoon. I was talking to a fellow mom last night and we both agreed that 3 months is too long for summer vacation. The kids need structure and to be back in school sooner.

So I will be back on Thursday to let you know how it goes!!!

Can You Spell Frustrated?

As I sit here seething with frustration, I feel torn. I had to cancel an appointment with a client today because I had no sitter. So I am angry that I cannot manage my business obligations. Yet, I want to enjoy my boys who will be back in school in only 13 short more days (but who is counting). I realize that the boys sense my frustration and don't know what to do, so they tend to argue and fight more. Finally, I relegated myself to the fact that I cannot work for the next two weeks. So we went upstairs, and I straightened up while the boys played. Shortly, we will go out and play in the back yard and then I will start to plan the afternoon. Alas, if I don't adjust, I will miss it all. So with all these feelings I must admit that frustration will pass but the boys will only be this small for a day.

Ahhhhh I Love Vacations!!!!!!

Even though in the last 8 days we drove 3,000 miles with two children ages 7 and 4, I feel rested and relaxed. It's amazing what a change of scenery can do. We were up and down the East Coast. We bought Georgia Peaches in Georgia and ate boiled peanuts. We hung out with Pedro at South of the Border. We ate a Texas steak in North Carolina and spent the night in a Days Inn in Virginia. All in all it was a great time. Busch Gardens in Tampa was great and so was Chinese food in Ft. Lauderdale. But the best was spending time with my Mom and Dad in their home in Cape Coral and swimming with the boys in their pool and building sand castles and memories on the beach. This is what summer is all about.

What's a Girl to do? Argh!!!!

Have you ever been put in a position where you damned if you do and damned if you don't. Today, that is how I feel. I want and need a vacation more than anything. A vacation where I can really relax. You know the kind, get up when I want, sit by the pool and eat dinner at 8:00. All summer I have been looking forward to this vacation. It has been a beacon, a light at the end of a long tunnel. And because of the usual financial stresses I saw the light growing dimmer. Alas, I was feeling dismayed. Long story, short. I was given the option that if we could not go on my "dream" vacation that provision would be made for me and the boys. Of course I would have to make arrangements for my honey. I knew, in my heart of hearts, my husband would come to the rescue and find a way for us to go, but it was not before we had the very unpleasant conversation that turned into a major blow up. One like I can't remember. So I ask, what's a girl to do? I, of course, need to stand by my husband. And I will. Yet, my vacation is almost medicinal at this point. I can't be with out it. So if I go, it is with an unhappy husband who is going begrudgingly (albeit grinning and bearing it). If I don't go, well I can't even think of that option, let's just say Mom will be a very unhappy camper. There are times I just hate being a grown up. Argh!!

19 Minute A Day

This report is so staggering I had to share it with you. As I sit here in my home, fans a blaze trying to move the air from my one air conditioner and my boys play with paper and scissors, I read with disbelief. People place a higher priority on TV watching and sleep than spending time with their kids. What is happening to society.

Today, I have a fun day planned with the boys that include a play date at a bowling alley and a trip to get pretzels. Yes, I could be doing other things, working on the computer or cleaning the house. But, when all is said and done, will any of that matter. I think not. Read the report for yourself. 19 Minutes A Day

It's Amazing What Happens When I Get Out of the Way

Yesterday I had to have a little surgery. It required general anesthia and a bit of rest. So I was concerned how the day would go. As always, my family rose to the occasion. As it turned out, I was able to be home by 11:00. I slept till 12:30 and decided to make my way downstairs to rest on couch. My husband brought me lunch and had already handled getting the boys picked up from camp. The boys were brought home and Jim kept them busy all afternoon while I rested. To my delight we ordered in Chinese food for dinner - yummy. Then Jim got the boys ready for bed including baths.

Imagine my biggest surprise when I woke to find their lunches packed and their clothes picked out. He loaded the van with everything they needed for camp. All I had to do is feed them breakfast and we were off. All in all it has been a pretty good day. The hardest part was letting my family take care of me, but once I allowed that to happen, they were thrilled to do it.

When a hug is all you need!

Sometimes the simple things apply. Today, I went to pick up my boys from camp. They were clearly hot and exhausted. However, they would never admit that. They were a bit testy, in fact at one moment they were down right grumpy. My initial instinct was to take the boys home and banish them to their rooms till their dad got home and then make my escape. But as I headed home I realized they were just tired.

As I opened the door to let Tom out, I opened my arms and gave him a gentle, lasting hug. I could feel the tension melt. Within minutes we were one happy family again. Within a half our, my boys were rested, fed and ready for the rest of the day. I am so glad I took time to give a hug. All they wanted was to be loved and understood. Afterall, isn't that what we all want.

Thank Goodness for the Village

It is amazing what a few good people can get done, in particular a resourceful mom. I guess that's what a "streetsmartmom" is all about.

I live in a great town, but I am hours away from any family that can help me. So over the years I have come to depend upon a few good friends who have become my "village." Today was a great example. I had my first Get Clients Now! seminar. I was very nervous. On top of that, I had to be an hour from home at 7:45 am. My kids did not have to be at camp till 9:00. My husband was willing to help, but was concerned about taking time off because he is already taking Thursday off to help me. So in came Kathleen, my trusted villager. I got up early and had everything ready including the boys dressed, bags packed and car seats ready to go. Jim took the handoff and dropped off the boys to Kathleen. Then Kathleen carried on with the boys.

So what did this mean to me? I was off to my seminar and confident my boys were being well taken care of. Peace of mind, what is that worth! It helps me feel confident that I am in a position to take care of my boys who are loved and nurtured, and I can grow my business.

A 24-hour Vacation

Have you ever gone away -- overnight, and felt so relaxed it felt like you had been on a real vacation. Well, if not, you need to try it. We just came home after spending only 24-hours away and we felt thoroughly rejuvenated. We went camping with friends my husband has known since high school. Our kids played and we sat by the fire and talked. We ate, rested, swam in the creek, rode bikes, helped build a gazebo, slept in a tent and sat by the campfire. It was pure heaven.

The phone never rang, there was no TV, no running water, no electricity and no real amenities. Honestly, I did not miss them. Although I will admit that I took a shower as soon as I got home. And the mosquito's were out and seemed to have me as their favorite choice of food. But even with that, I had a great time. I recommend a one day mini-vacation. It does wonders.

Summer - Argh!

Okay, well I am not really complaining. I am just sitting here in my house with several fans running and wondering when I can get my house work done. My husband, very lovingly, commented yesterday that it was a disaster. I know he didn't ask about if I was out of bon bons, but I couldn't help but wonder if he thinks that is what I do all day.

As I think about my days, which include getting my boys to camp, working with clients, running errands, helping my husband with his business, shopping for food, preparing meals, getting boys cleaned (daily?), fitting a shower in for me every now and then and whatever other duties as assigned, I wonder when will have time to thoroughly get my house clean up. So, I will continue to ponder as I sit here and figure out how will I be on a 2:00 conference call while I am supposed to be picking up my boys at 2:00. Hmm.

Ode to Summer Camp

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Did I say thank you? Yes I am grateful for summer camp. My boys are thoroughly played out and they really had a good time. I actually had time. Yes, 5 hours of discretionary time. Yes, they were already booked, but they were mine. So what can I say, but Thank you.

I'm tired . . .

There are times when all I want is a good nights sleep. Oh, how I miss the carefree teenage days when I slept in until noon and then slowly moved into my day. Today I was able to sleep in until 7:30 (oh the ecstasy). At which time I hit the ground running with two little boys who are ready to face the day with great big smiles on their faces. Oh, where are the sun glasses.

When sorry isn't enough

No matter how much I grow as a person, I still find myself stuck as a child in this one place. It is so frustrating to be in this place, over and over. I know I am not a victim, so somewhere along the path, I make choices to behave badly. My question is why? Why can't I get passed this? I don't know if this happens to other people, but for me I seem to not learn a particular lesson. The worst part is that by not learning my lesson, I find the consequences much worse than if I had behaved differently.

It is like when we are talking to our boys when they don't tell the truth and find that the consequence for not telling the truth is worse than telling the truth and dealing with the consequences of the original behavior. When we ask them why do they do this? Their usual response, through the tears, is "I don't know." How much like children we parents can be? Or at least I am. So the question is when will I grow up? What is the pay off for behaving this way? And what would be the gain for changing? Oh I hate growing pains.

It's That Time of Year Again . . .

Summer!!! So the question is what to do with the kids. Argh!!! Mine love the structure of school and their friends. I honestly don't have answers. My main plan is to work as much at night as possible and play with the boys. I also hope to share a sitter with a fellow mompreneur. This girl is greatly in demand so I have to get my order in early. The good news is that I cannot wait to spend time with my little dudes. The pool is calling and so is the gym. I think it is going to be a great summer.

When the going gets tough . . .

I start a business. Some might say what are you thinking? It's going to be summer and your kids are going to be home from school. How can you build a business now? My answer, that's who I am. Today was a perfect example. I worked in my home office this morning for three different clients and also for myself. Then I took time to have a cup of coffee with a friend. Then it was off to pick up my youngest from school to go have a play date with a little buddy of his. While David and Evan played, his mom (my client) worked for two hours. We both had moments where we looked at each other and said, this is what it is all about. We talked, strategized and planned while we heard giggling and playing upstairs. Tammy's husband, who also runs a business, was on duty as a giant playmate. It just doesn't get any better than that. I ask you, how could I not start a business? Be stuck in a job from 9 to 5 while my kids are parked somewhere? I think not.

See a Need and Create a Company

It's amazing what can happen when a women sees a need. You hear it over and over; here is a good example. One women realized there are women who are highly successful and capable individuals who have chosen to stay home and raise their families. They have a lot to offer but limited time. She created an employment agency for these women. That's how the Mom's Corp. came into existence. Check it out.

So there are some good things to look forward to

The good news is that moms who juggle work and family tend to be thinner and healthier when they get into their 50's. It must be the constant juggling of schedules, running from meetings to soccer games. I am actually surprised because I assumed that busy women are forced into eating junk food on the run. Feel free to check out the article yourself. Working Moms Healthier, Thinner Than Stay at Homes

So it's True!

The results are in! Someone actually took time to figure it out. Most of us already knew, all they had to do was ask us. I am just sharing this with you for your reading enjoyment.

This year, Salary.com compensation experts have come up with a job analysis and these price tags for both categories:

• Stay-at-home moms work an average 91.6 hours a week. That should be worth $134,121 annually.
• Working moms also put in 49.8 hours a week on the job at home. They should get $85,876 a year.

The compensation analysts figure the lowest paying parts of a mom's job are housekeeper, laundry machine operator and janitor. Higher paying categories include computer operator, facilities manager, psychologist and family CEO. The Salary.com numbers are sure to stir up controversy. But this is not debatable: Moms simply are priceless, and nothing could compensate them properly for all they do.

So Is Boarding School The Option?

Today was a tough day. One of those days. As I was talking to another mom, we discussed what life would be like when our kids became teenagers. And suddenly the other mom got a far off look and said, I wonder when they are building the dorms for the boarding school. We both laughed. There are days when that seems to be an favorable option. And then I got home with my boys and had a nice evening that included a bath and lots of giggles. Argh!! It's exhausting. It's fun. I feel like I am at a movie, but it never ends. I laughed, I cried and I slept. And then it was another day.

Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

You can hardly open a newspaper, browse the web or watch the news without hearing about the "Mommy Wars." Here I am writing about it. To me it seems counter productive to be pitting mothers against mothers. We are all mothers, first and foremost!!!! It does not matter whether we go outside the home to work, we have a business we run from the home or we make our home the business. We are all mothers. My thought, for what it's worth, is let's ban together and help each other. Let' support each other. We all make choices of how we live for our own reasons. Usually the choices work. More often than not, the kids turn out all right. I don't care what choice you make, there are times when you might feel like you did not make the right choice. Then there are times when you know the choice you made was the only one you could make. But the most important thing is not to dilute the reason we are making choices. Because we are individuals who are mothers. I say, give peace a chance.

Doctor is there anything I can do?

Okay, it's not that bad, well sometimes it is. I took David for his four year check up. It's always exciting! This is when I get to hear how big my boys have grown and where they fall in the percentile. They get weighed and measured. The nurses carry on how cute the boys are as they poke and prod them, and then they give their little arms a hug (take their blood pressure). After we go through the usual questions with the Doctor, yes he can jump, run and speak. He asks, "Is there anything you are concerned about?" Hmm, how do you ask a question when you know you are not going to like the answer. I said "Yes, any suggestions on how to work with a child that is full of energy and a bit challenging." There, I said it, out loud. And then I waited, as David rode the Doctor's stool around the examining room, for his words of wisdom. "Well, Mrs. Allen, you just need to be tough. When you say A, you must do A and don't get weak and give in to him. It the battle of the wills." I must say it was disheartening. I was looking for something a little less exhausting. So, as hard as it is to do, I must the be the "mean" mom until he gets over it. And I guess that's when they go off to college.

When one door closes open a window

So when last I wrote I had just come off my high of helping create a new event at our school. We are already planning the next one. It's going to be bigger and better and this time it will be in the fall so our moms can start there holiday shopping early. We also have had Spring Break, some holidays and got through Winter. The big news was last Monday when I decided to shift careers and re-think my business plans. I realized I was not living my passion. My work became that, work. I loved helping my clients, yet it did not seem to fit me. Then two things happened, one of my associates shared some insight he had with his prospects which gave me a glimpse of an idea of a need. And, I met with my "mastermind group" buds. They really showed me I was missing the boat. I was wasting all my talent. So here I am again, about to head into Summer and launching a new business. Hmm, so what was I thinking. Yes, I closed the one door, but that's okay, I am already climbing out the window. And yes, I am reaching for the stars. I'll keep you posted!!!

It was even better than I imagined . . .

It is hard to believe that this all started with an idea on November 10 and tonight we actually pulled off an amazing event at the school. When I got home from the event there was an email from a mom saying what a great event it was. I am thrilled.

Based on my observations, there was tons of socializing happening and lots of money was exchanging hands. The vendors were engaging and happy and the moms were receptive and excited about the opportunity to see new things. We had a good mix of services and products in a variety of price ranges. There was lots of food, especially deserts. And we had message therapist there performing wonderful messages for our moms. What more could you ask for.

I think what I liked best was meeting moms I would have never have met. There were moms from the upper, middle, lower and pre-school. It was great. And the teachers were there as well, which I think made it really special.

The only thing Becca and I need is a night off.

Have you ever felt like this?

Today, this was my life. And all though most of the day was exhilarating and productive, I took moment to pause and think, is it all worth it. I have to admit that right now I don't know any other way. So until I can come up with another way that I can have the lifestyle that I want that includes being able to pop in to school and help my First grader with Writer's Workshop or snuggle on the couch with my 3-year old and still make an income, this is what I will look like for a while.

Now if I can just figure out how to pick up one of those balls and still remain balanced. Hmmm.

We are not an island . . .

I received this from a client and thought it worth sharing. I always get back to we are not an island, we are not alone. It's about interdependence.

Build Relationships Of Trust

Life Moves Pretty Fast,

But In The End It's All About

Our Faith, Our Family, And The Relationships

We've Formed Along The Way.

.....Aim For The Heart...........

What was I thinking????

This year I made a commitment to myself to take care of Lia. With this in mind, I thought it would be nice to have my nails done. After all I need to look professional for what I do and it is nice to have my hands look like that of a woman and not that of a child.

I must say I felt quite self-indulgent. And I also was surprised how hard it was to just sit there for the hour and a half it took to get them done. Hmm, something I need to work on. Then the reality set in. Have you ever tried to open you pants with sticks hanging off your nails. Well that is what it felt like. My youngest saw my hands and said "mom, don't poke me." I never expected to inflict fear on my children. And just sitting here typing is making me wonder, "what was I thinking?"

I must say in all fairness that I am going to try to stick this out. I believe in time I will get used to them and appreciate them. Wish me luck.

So now that the holidays are done . . .

now what?? It's hard to believe that what took 6 weeks to prepare for, is over in 24 hours. Getting the house ready, decorating, putting up a tree and lights, our trains, the cookies, the holiday concerts, all the parties and visits. And then on December 26th, It's all over. And now it takes time to get the house back in order to resume normal life. But that's ok with me. I enjoy the process.

As I reflect back on the last two months, I find myself smiling and enjoying the memories. Yes it was hectic, and it was joy-filled. And we made a special effort not to forget why we are celebrating and preparing. After all, it's all about the Jesus and his birth. My favorite part of the holiday was lighting candles on a cake on Christmas day and singing happy birthday to Jesus. It was a tangible way to remind my boys why we do what we do.

Is it Friday Yet????

Today was a typical day in my life. I got the boys off to school and then I ran to my home office to check my email and pick up something I needed for my meeting. I got to the meeting a few minutes early, so I updated my calendar, made some calls, set an appointment. My meeting was very productive and we all left energized ready to conquer the world. On my way home I decided to make a walk-in cold call which produced a name and some inside information that might help me approach this person. I also stopped at the cell phone company to get my phone repaired. Once home I had an hour to eat lunch and catch up on emails and work on an ad for a directory. I then went to my son's school to help with their Writer's workshop (the highlight of my day). I then took my oldest home and picked up my youngest. Once home we did homework, played and made dinner. Then my oldest was off to Karate and I stayed home for some quality time with the little dude. So here I sit in the quite and blog. Isn't life grand.

2006 - How did that Happen?????

If you have been wondering where I have been, I have been right here. I just needed a break. I needed time to think through things, get through the holidays and re-prioritize. I suddenly wasn't sure why I was blogging. I wondered if anyone even read it or cared. So I just stopped.

The holidays have been busy and joyous. I have thoroughly enjoyed my family and all that the holidays bring. We were sure not to forget why we celebrate this holiday. It has been truly an awesome experience. So as I start to plan forward and partake of another year, I will cherish the memories of a great 2005. It has been a year of personal and professional growth.

If you do read this and enjoy my ramblings, thank you. I make a commitment today to provide entries on a weekly basis, if not more. I hope you and yours have a great 2006.

Thanksgiving Week Already?????

How did that happen? Ever since the kids came, the days just seem to fly by. It seems like we were just putting the tree out from last Christmas and here it is already Thanksgiving. I am of course thinking of what I am thankful for and my thoughts wonder to my boys school. As I mentioned before, Tom was hit by a boy in his class. This poor little guy was then suspended in 1st Grade. What does this have to do with gratitude? The school, the school family and how they handled this still amazes me. Tom never skipped a beat. He could have been pretty upset and quite honestly concerned about returning to the school. Instead, because of the grace and love with which the school handled this, he feels safe and loved. They are working on a plan to help their classmate return to school and are hoping that he will become a part of the solution. They are teaching the children how to help him with that. Amazing!! I could not ask for more. What a teachable moment for everyone.

I see sunshine on a cloudy day . . .

Okay, so this has not been a stellar day. My plans (what a joke) were really done at 4:15 this morning.

It all started with poor David, my 3 year old, who kept waking up to go potty. He would dribble a little pee and back to sleep for 5 minutes, just long enough for me to get into my zone and then he was back again. Finally he went number 2 and he was back asleep (that was 5:30). So I was exhausted when the alarm went off, but we persisted.

I dropped the boys off at school (I let the teacher know David had a rough nights sleep so he might be a bit cranky) and I was off to my special morning of coffee with fellow moms from school. I had been looking forward to this, and I felt honored to be invited. I barely got in the door of the hostess' home when the phone rang, it was the school. David was not well, he needed mom. So it was home with David. We really had a nice time. We snuggled and watched TV. He never napped but he definitely rested.

Then it was time to pick up Tom. It took David less that one song on the radio to be asleep. He was exhausted and really needed the nap so I sat in the parking lot of the school for an hour while he caught up on his sleep. It was here, in the parking lot, that I introduced myself to a parent of a new boy in school. I let them know that if they had any questions, to call me I would be happy to meet them. I suggested we could have our boys could play together. It was then that I found out the reason they were there. They were called in to discuss the fact that their son punched my son in the nose. Hmm. We talked briefly, and I let them know that our family would pray for their family as they worked through these struggles.

Of course I woke David up so we could go in and find out how my little boy was doing. The good news is that Tom handled himself beautifully. He was shocked and did not punch him back. Tom really does have a gentle spirit. The teacher also is amazing. She really took care of Tom and so did the class. There were kids telling Tom jokes to cheer him up and two boys made him cards. There really is a little family developing there.

My heart is full. I see the blessings in all of this. I spent a great day with David (lots of snuggling happening in the Allen household). I heard about the environment in Tom's class that is what I have always wanted for him. I kept my head on straight through out all of this. What didn't happen is almost as important. I did not get angry at my guys for my plans being ruined. I didn't spend a day in misery and depression over "my lot in life." I didn't feel the need to complain, I really enjoyed the change of pace. It was awesome. I am grateful and praise God when I know I am growing like this. For me I know it can only be a "God Thing" because I am not able to do this by myself.

It's great when I can see the sun through the storms.

Stop and smell the coffee . . .

Or at least drink it. Today was my day to rejuvenate. After getting the boys settled in to their respective schools, I headed of to my bi-weekly mastermind group. A think-tank we created of a few crazy people like myself who want to be self-employed. At our meeting we share issues, concerns and challenges, and then we help each other solve them. So over coffee we are building each other up and solving our problems. What a blast!!

Then I was off to my lunch meeting with a fellow mom of a boy in my son's 1st grade class. I have made a conscious decision to surround myself with successful people who are thinking forward, bright and filled with the energy I see in life. This mom is such a mom. It was also a great boost in the arm. It's amazing how much we had to talk about. The time just flew by.

Next I was off to my home office to check on some emails, do a little paper work and get the house ready for the day. Low and behold, when I checked my email I received this great email. I hope you find it a light in a somewhat dim world. Thank you Janis!

In April, Oprah interviewed Maya Angelou on her 70+ birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Maya Angelou also said this: "I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights." "I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. "I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life." "I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. "I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back." "I've learned that when ever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision." "I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one." "I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back." "I've learned that I still have a lot to learn." "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

An Evening of R & R - Where do I sign up???

We just had a pretty productive Parent's Association meeting and at the meeting we decided to plan an event that would serve both as a fund raiser and outreach to the moms of our kids. I got so excited I offered to help, and thus Becca and I became the coordinators of this event. So what was I thinking? It was purely selfish. I really want this event to happen so if you really want something to happen, you might as well do it yourself.

The idea is to have an evening of relaxation. We will have substantial hor dourves, and some spa like activities there as well as some vendors that will nourish the soul. It is a soft fund raiser geared toward creating a community. We hope to bring out the moms that normally don't participate, to enjoy a night out without the kids. Wish us luck. And, if you are reading this and have done something like this, feel free to offer suggestions. If you were to come out to an evening of relaxation, what would you like to be there.

Monday, My Day of Reflection

It seems to have worked out that Monday is my day off. Although I am never really off, I choose not to schedule appointments, and I try to be available to handle things that have fallen to the way side. I also use this day for a long shower and reflection. Hmm, I love long showers.

When I think back over the weekend I feel content. It was busy, yet rewarding. There were several highlights:

• An impromptu play date for my boys with some kids they love at the local tumble spot. That allowed their mom and I to sit, relax and catch up. We are both busy, and as providence would have it, her youngest slept for two glorious hours while we solve the world's problems and our boys conquered new territories. All in all, it was a great afternoon. A side benefit was we were out of my husband's way. He really needed to work on his sister's car, and we tend to distract him.

• Sunday was church. I woke up with a headache that was not letting up and looking for an excuse to stay home. I was scheduled to work with the two-year olds. I was all set to call in when my 3-year old said "Mom, look God healed my boo boo." So with Advil in tow, I was off to church. It turned out to be great morning.

• That afternoon our school was having an open house, and of course, I agreed to help out. It was a gorgeous day outside. I did not think it would be busy so I would be home quickly. Well, let me tell you, they were lined up out side the doors. It was great to be there. I was able to share what the school has done for me and my boys. I cannot imagine them going anywhere else. The school appreciated my help and it was good to remember what it felt like when we were first trying to make a decision on school

• The evening was relaxing. It consisted of reruns of Good Eats, ice cream and a little paper work for the Parent's Association.

It was a great weekend, and I feel blessed to be able to share. For me I see the balance really taking hold in my life. The calculated decision to be careful about what obligations I choose and then do them when I say I will. The ability to be present with my family. The ability to be present when I am not with my family. I really see it all coming together. I feel like I am growing up. Or as Hannibal used to say in the A-Team "I love it when a plan comes together."

Having My Cake and Eating it Too

Yes, being a mom is rewarding. I get the kisses and I love yous. Tonight my 3-year old said to me "Mom, you're the bestest cook ever." And that was over a cup of tomato soup. And my other son who is 6 tells me I am his best friend.

And if it doesn't get better than that, I get to be a business owner as well. I help take care of my clients, consult and teach and schmooze with abandon.

Now, I am not saying life is perfect. I have my share of glitches. I am a work in progress. The good news is that I am stopping to smell the roses while I pick up the garbage. We all have stuff to deal with. In fact, I heard a great quote at a meeting the other day that truly spoke to me. A client of ours heard it at a conference from a man in a wheel chair who was dealing with the challenges he is facing. He said: "Pain and suffering are inevitable, misery is an option." Wow.

The tooth fairy is coming to our house for the first time!!!

Yes, Thomas lost his first tooth. I just knew it was going to be today. I remember worrying this morning "what if Tom swallows it by accident?" Quite frankly I could not see what was holding it in place. When I got home from my appointments, I was excited to get a message from Tom's teacher about how it happened. She was so excited and filled with joy as she described how and when it happened I could almost picture it happening. And you should have seen Tom telling anyone who slowed down near him. So tonight we placed the tooth under his pillow. As always, Thomas says, "Mom, I know dad is the Tooth Fairy." I just shrugged my shoulders and looked confused. He's too smart for his age. We enjoy pretending with him. And he knows it's pretend.

Halloween - To Celebrate or Not, that was the Question

We decided, after doing some extensive research, to stop celebrating Halloween. We will not be trick or treating or giving out treats this year. Of course, this was a very unpopular decision at our house. However, my kids are great and after we explained our position they agreed, begrudgingly. Now we are still having a great weekend. I don't want my kids to think they are deprived. No we just want to honor our Lord and Savior.

So they were allowed to wear their cool animal costumes to school for their costume parade. We went to church on Saturday for a great day of fun and fellowship that was created as an alternative to Halloween. There was a circus and all kinds of other cool activities. And yes, lots of candy. Then we went to my friends house for a fall party where there was also good food, candy and friends. What more could you ask for? I say nothing.

On the night of trick or treat, we will be enjoying a great night with our boys that does not include trick or treating. By the time this is all over, they will feel special; they will have honored our God and gotten the candy they want. For us the point is to teach our children they can live in the world without being part of it. I am grateful for God and the way he reveal his wisdom and the ability to hear his words.

Don't let her have the Final Word

I read with anger an editorial by Christina Blizzard in her column The Final Say. She was commenting about the US wanting to close it's borders to Canada and how a Cabinet member is not around to handle this crisis because she is on materinity leave. It is so far out there that I hope it is satire. But if it is not, read it and be amazed at the ignorance of some people. I am outraged that she actually put her thoughts in writing. I can only imagine the feedback she must be getting. Read it for yourself, I think you will agree, it should not be the final word.

Look what a woman can do!!!

I am always amazed at what a woman can do when they get an idea. Read this article from Oprah's magazine. The article called Women Entrepreneurs tells the story of five women who made it big. They were average women who did extraordinary things.

I really appreciated this quote from Victoria Knight-McDowell: She says, "Ordinary women, people like me who don't have Harvard MBAs, are not encouraged to start businesses. But one thing I did from the very beginning was ask a lot of questions. I didn't know the difference between a P&L and a balance sheet, so I asked the woman who was helping me at the bank. I'm still asking questions; now it's about distribution channels and streamlining." Read the article, it is an encouragement.

The key is learning the lessons in the midst of the disappointments

I have been pretty up beat for the past few weeks so I should not have been surprised when I started to experience a low day. After all, you can't appreciate the highs without the lows. So today I had a child who went to school relatively well, and then I got the call - David's sick with a fever. So off I was to get him.

In my mind memories of last year and the winter of illness started to flood my whole being. Oh no, I don't want to do this again. How can I run a business? How can I make plans? Maybe I should home school and protect them from the world and it's germs. Calm down, Lia. Take a deep breath. As soon as I noticed all this noise and unrest in my head and felt it in my body, I got on the phone. I started calling the people in my life that will tell me I am not crazy. The ones who will encourage me and support me. I shared my fears and concerns and they said all the right things. Then I shared my anger over some work issues, and they of course told me to stay the course.

For me, this is a victory. I did not sit in it for too long. In fact, only as long as it took me to dial the phone. I am taking care of myself. I am surrounding myself with nurturing people and being open to the love and feedback. All in a days work for a streetsmart mom.

A cup of coffee and some friends . . .

It just doesn't get much better than that. On a bi-weekly basis I get together with some friends who are moms, entrepreneurs and soul mates. When we get together you can see the sparks and energy as we brainstorm. What makes it so special is that by the time we leave our two hour sessions, we have a to do list and a due date. I left with my marching orders: Create a community for moms who are passionate about life and living. Not just surviving but creating a real ful-filling life. My mind was reeling.

So as soon as I got home I listened to a CD on how to build a subscription web site by Milana Leshinsky. I then created a forum, chat room and mini-poll to add to my web site. So now I can take it easy for the next two weeks, right? No, now is the hard part, content and maintenance. Wish me luck and feel free to offer any advice and contribute. I welcome the feedback.

What a night!

After months of planning, it finally came. Women's Network brought in Soni Dimond to present about Power Talk and her new book "Life's a Pitch." She was great, the food was good and there was a great atmosphere. There was tons of stuff that she said that I really appreciated, and what I enjoyed most was one saying: "Don't build me the clock, just tell me the time." That statement alone was worth the price admission. How many times have I been talking to my husband (I process verbally, so it takes me a while to figure it all out) and my husband who is technical in nature wants me to just get to the point. The good news is he loves me any way and I also love him for being so direct and to the point. We have to embrace the differences for it is in this that we can come together to appreciate what we have in common.

If it works, who cares

I read a great article today about working moms getting a night off (a ladies night out). What was different about this article was these moms have husbands who are stay-at-home dads. As they shared with each other they noted it is not always easy because not everyone understands their arrangement. Of course if they were stay-at-home moms and their husbands worked it would be a no-brainer. Let's face it we are not playing on a level playing field.

The truth is there are times when the husband might be the better choice. Also, sometimes that is a better option based on earning potential. What really matters is that it is working for these families. I always focus on the kids. For me selling my business and becoming a sales consultant/coach was hard but it was the best choice. I could have chosen to steam ahead and put my kids in day care. But then that would not have been the right choice for me. I am happy and content. For these families they know their kids are safe and their husbands are really involved. I think that is what matters.

I'm still organizing and decluttering

Will this ever end? Actually, I am enjoying this. You know it's bad when it takes days to do one room. Granted I am squeezing it in to my life around work and kids. What makes this time different? After all I have tried to do this many times before. Hmm. Thank you for asking.

After careful consideration, I realize that I am ready, and I have gone about it from a different angle. You see I started listening to Anthony Robbins Personal Power. Before, when I did not declutter, it was because I associated the act of decluttering with pain and stress. So it was a negative experience. After listening to his tapes I realized I needed to focus on the outcome, the joy and the benefits of a clutter-free life. Bam, it hit. I am only on tape three, and I cannot tell you how empowered I feel. I have listened to tape three twice because I am a slow learner, but usually once I learn something I get it for good. There is no stopping me now.

I cannot tell you how my perspective on life has changed in just one week, just because I reached out for help, was open to listen and decided to change my behavior and try something new. I must say this is hard work and takes time. I also must say it is worth it.

Is it me or have we gone too far?

I just read an article that on first blush seemed exciting to me. I am always excited when I see a business that is born out of a necessity. After all that's what entrepreneurs do. The premise of the article Metro Moms . . . is that families, in particular working mothers, face the challenge of working part-time or leaving work early so their kids can participate in afterschool and enrichment activities. Or they must just say no to their kids. To fill this need some resourceful entrepreneurs have created a buisness of transporting kids from school to activities or baby sitters. Seems pretty simple. Have problem, create a solution - win/win, right?

Then I got to thinking, what if the solution was to slow down. When I added up the possible cost of all this running and thought about the other expenses of working including baby sitting or after school programs/latch key programs, I couldn't help but wonder, what if we just said no to work. This might be easy for me to say because I have chosen to work part-time as a consultant/coach. This allows me the flexibility to have my cake and eat it to. I still have times when my kids need to stay late at school, or I have to make arrangements on the days they have off and the world does not. Yet, I also can go to PA meetings and talk to the teachers each day to see how my boys did. We play and color and work on projects every day.

If I had a traditional job it would actually cost me money to work based on what I would have to pay to have my kids taken care of when they were not in school. Not to mention when they get sick. Don't get me started on that. So I guess I am say that I like that there are people stepping forward to create industry where it is needed and also consider the option of creating alternative solutions of your own.

Can it be that simple?

Today I did something amazing. I spent two hours with a professional organizer who held my hand and helped me set up a filing system. Now you must know that I really do know how to file. In fact, I did this for a living for my clients. But it is interesting how different it is when you have to take care of your own stuff.

What is really amazing is the simple filing system that Tammy developed. I bought it from her and then she came and helped me set it up. (Normal people don't need that, I do) There are no words to describe how liberating today has been. A weight has been lifted. I feel a lightness that I cannot explain. I must admit for the first time I can say the fear is gone. I have been paralyzed by the papers. When we first started it was all I could do to hold the papers and envelopes in my lap. I could hardly bring myself to open them. Tammy took pity on me and helped me through the process. By the time she left, I was opening envelops with abandon. After she left I literally went through two years worth of envelopes and junk mail and filled three garbage bags. I am not only caught up, but I can tell you where my things are and why.

No, I cannot explain how this happened. It is a God thing. God brought Tammy into my life and then he gave me the courage to ask for help. He also let me do this with some dignity. I didn't even get sick. Usually just talking about the bills is enough to make me feel ill. I am so grateful. You have to check out her filing system, it is not only functional but pretty and it comes with instructions that are easy and fun to read. She calls it FindnFile. I am in awe.

It's a myth-understanding . . .

I will be the first to admit that finances are not my forte. In fact, it is my achilles heel. So I am striving to conquer this, for I have been told "Your biggest fear will become your biggest strength once you have conquered it." To that end I am doing research to understand it more and maybe to reveal why this is such a monumental challenge for me. I even called my mom and asked her to try to see if there were any messages that I might have gotten in my childhood that would be affecting my current financial reality. Much to my dismay, she could not think of any so I am on my own to muddle through this one.

In my research I came across an interesting article on the Myths of Finances and I thought it was good enough to share. Of course reading an article has not cured me of this life long phobia, but it is a step in the right direction. Enjoy.

Joys of Friendship

I have had time lately to reflect on life and it's nuances. Yes, I am actually making time for reflection. Upon these moments I have come to realize that one of the greatest joys in life is friendship.

I have some great friends in my life. My husband has been my best friend for the last 23 years.
You can imagine in the last 23 years we have grown. The best part is we grew together. I think in a great marriage one can say "You complete me," like in the movie Jerry McGuire. Not to say that you are nothing with out that person, but that the two together make even more than one. The two are greater than the whole. For me that is what I have in my husband.

And then there's Kathleen. She entered my life about 8 years ago and from the time we met it was like we had been friends our whole lives. Our friendship is interesting. There are times when we see each other on a daily or weekly basis and then times when it can be a month before we have a chance to have a meaningful conversation on the phone. Sometimes I just go to be in her presence, not needing anything but her being. And there are other times when I really ask for a hand up. The best part is she can do the same with me. She's my sanity check when the world seems a little askew. We laugh together and cry together. You rarely find someone with that kind of bond, and when you do it is amazing. The best part of our friendship is that I know it will be timeless. No matter where we are and what we are doing, we will be able to pick up where we left off.

Why am I sharing all of this? First because I am feeling it, so I am naming it. But more importantly, because I believe to be a streetsmart mom you have to acknowledge that you cannot do it alone. You are as strong as your weakest link and with strong bonds of friendship, your links only get stronger and become reinforced. Without a great friend in your life, it is hard. And quite frankly not much fun. So make time for the friends.

I'm on a roll . . .

but I must not sit down or I might fall asleep. Now that I see my desk it's time to face the other areas. Today I tackled a big one, all the stuff from my previous business. I am amazed at how well I did. It was my baby before my children so I expected lots of emotional garbage to go along with the process. Much to my surprise it was minimal. For the most part it was a like a walk through a memory, I never felt stuck. Yes, a twinge of sadness, some regrets, some laughs over how I little I knew when I started and how much I had grown. Overall it was a positive experience. I must say it is hard to let go, but I know that is not who I am today and I am learning to embrace my life now. I must move on.

I can see my desk!!!!

Banner day in my home office. I have a great friend who agreed to hold my hand as I sorted, discarded and talked about life. As we solved the world's woes, or at least those in our control, we accomplished a lot. I have a pile of stuff to discard, to keep and put away, and a plan of action for the office. The best part is that I will be doing the same for her next week. We decided to help each other. Let's face it, it's easy to do when it's not yours. So she was ruthless with my stuff and helped me be realistic. I will be able to do the same with her stuff. It's awesome.

Okay, He said it -- out loud

I knew it was in there, but today he actually articulated it. He feels that I have the kids in school too much. In particular David. I knew he thought that, but I was hoping it was getting better. So now what do I do?

My dilemma is that I have certain hours I must work because of our training schedule, and there are times I need to leave open for appointments. The truth is that I really need "Lia" time. I have truly been spoiled the last month and really enjoying my schedule. So the thought of giving up any of the time is a bit depressing. I also think it might be disruptive to the system that seems to be working right now.

Well wish me luck and any prayers you want to send my way would be appreciated as I work through this and find a way to make this work. The last thing I want is to harm the family so I can have time. So I will really review this and decide.

Streetsmart Moms have a Just Do It Mentality

Let's face it, life really does come at you fast. In a blink of an eye, the kids are in school and the memories are a blur. Streetsmart Moms can think on their feet. We tend to have to multi-task. We have a load of laundry in the washer, one in the dryer, food in the crockpot, we answer our emails, catch the cell phone and change a diaper, all within minutes.

"It's so hard when contemplated in advance, and so easy when you do it."
Robert M. Pirsig

I am sure many great things happened because someone just did something without going to a committee or finishing their degree or calling for approval. Sometimes we just have to go for it. As Ms. Frizzle says on the Magic School Bus "Take chances, get dirty." So go for it!

Does your Business Plan include the Kids?

This has always been my dilemma. How do you balance your business and it's activities and behaviors and being a mom and time with the kids. It seems there are days when my business takes over like a Tuesday when I start my day with a meeting and end it in the evening with a meeting. On those days, quality time with the kids is non-existent. Yet there are days when I can play all day and do my follow up with a quick email. The kids and I get to play and I still get a little work in. I just read an interesting article that points out the pitfalls of entrepreneurs with kids. It's part of Entrepreneurs series I read on line. Check it out.

The point is to plan balance in your business and life now and not when you are successful. Also, if you become successful be sure you handle the success well. I really appreciate the wisdom of the people who have gone before me.

Supermom vs. Deer in the Headlights

Okay, I admit it, I think differently than most. That isn't always a bad thing, right? Anyway, I was thinking about the reason we are so busy and so crazed lately in this society. Then I remembered the image of what I call the "Super Mom." There was a commercial for a perfume that had a women who could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, never let her husband forget he was a man. She was of course beautiful and seductive, with no stains on her clothes and all her hairs were in there place. Kind of like this women.



But the reality is that we try to do it all and we don't look like that. I am sure I am speaking only for myself, but on my best day I don't look like that. Why is the reality and the media image so different? I don't know, probably the people writing those messages are men. Fantasy is always better than reality. For me I look more like a deer looks like when they are faced with headlights or this other image I found. Makeup hides a multitude of circles.

So what is my point. Simply, don't be so hard on yourself. Do the best you can do in the moment you are. Be the best you can be. Learn to control what you can and ignore the rest. Ask for help and take naps. You life is short and there will always be laundry. Take time for a cup of coffee with a friend.

For moms who want to work from home . . .

One of the things I hear on a daily basis and sometimes hourly is how do you work from home? There are a lot of moms out there looking for a way to spend more time with their children and get some balance in their lives. That is something I am passionate about. I have been doing a lot of research on various web sites found that we are not alone. In fact there is a whole industry around the desire for a better quality of life which is quantified in time not necessarily money. Sure money is important, but at what cost.

Here is just one web site that I found that offers options and resources. It is a directory of careers that you can do from home. It is pretty cool and it has some tools you can download free. Check it out: E-Directory of Homebased Businesses. Let me know what you think once you use it. I have found it to be useful.

What do you do about the guilt?

I have to admit I have been feeling guilty. I have been having a good time balancing work, home and family. Yet there is this underlying feeling of "I should be with the boys more." Specifically, my youngest David who is 3. I tell myself that he's having a great time at school, playing and learning. So why do I feel guilty?

Is it that I am having fun? Am I not allowed to have fun? Is motherhood supposed to be only work and no play? I hear voices from my past and some from my current about "how motherhood is supposed to be enough" "why aren't you satisfied with being a mom" "why do you need to be so busy with outside activities?" Sometimes the voices are so loud it is hard to think.

Well I am here to say that I am a better mom because of all that I do. Yes, being a mom is important to me. I love my kids more than anything. I also love being in business and helping my clients reach their goals in sales through training and coaching. And I love having a few minutes to go to the supermarket by myself or to the mall. I love going to Borders to read a book, meet some friends and have a cup of coffee. Without all of this, I would deny my whole self and be incomplete. That would not be a great mom. That would be an unhappy mom. So I think that the guilt is okay and normal. It is probably a healthy way to keep yourself in check. I think the lessons my boys are getting by watching me be true to myself is helping them in the future as they become healthy adults.

The Results Are In

Working Mother has done it again. They created a report with the100 Best Companies . There was lots of criteria in five main areas which include: Flexibility, Leave for New Parents, Child Care, Work/Life and Advancing Women. I think it makes a great read and hope you will check it out. The truth is that companies are realizing that women are workforce to be reckoned with and are adjusting their corporate culture to reflect that.

And now for something completely different . . .

Well not really different, just interesting. Today was this year's first official PA (Parent Association) meeting at the school. Last year I got pretty involved with the PA and have made a commitment to continue with that involvement. After all, my kids are in the school's care, and I want to be sure I know what is going on and can help to improve their already amazing experience. It seems simple to me, the goal is to make the school a great place for the teachers to work, the students to learn and the parents to feel comfortable with the whole experience.

And as always in an organization with a Board, this is a new team with a new leader. So consequently there is a new agenda. Not a problem, we all want the same thing, right? So why do I feel so weird and uncomfortable after today's meeting? Flags are flying, and I am concerned. The good news is that we are all in this together, and I know the parents really do want what is best for the school. So even though I am not sure what I am feeling and why, I know it will all work out in the end. I am going to stay focused on the big picture and not get stuck in the little distractions. Those things will be handled and the kids will have a great year.

I have a schedule - for now. . .

Those who know me know that I am resistant to schedules because I have always lived life by the seat of my pants. So I fight anything that makes me feel boxed in. Then the kids came, and I also wanted to have a business, and a life. So it became apparent that a schedule was critical to any sanity I might want in my life. Fast forward to today. The boys are in school, and I have some discretionary time. Hmm. What do I do now? Why was I so lost? Then it hit me, just block out what I want and see how it works.

So here it is, Lia's schedule. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are my "work" days. That means that I will do my best to keep all my appointments on those days. Monday and Friday are my free days. That does not mean I sit home and eat bon bons all day (by the what's a bon bon?). It means that I can schedule appointments on those days or not. I can clean my house if I want to on those days. I can get a hair cut or have lunch with a friend. The sky is the limit. I can even go back to bed. So what does this do for me?

It is so liberating. I know that I have a good chunk of time to work and be productive. I also have enough time set aside for other things so I don't feel cheated or deprived. And, I have allowed myself flexibility in my schedule that if I need to do a personal task on a Tuesday that's ok, and if a seminar is on a Friday, no sweat. The main thing is I have the parameters set, and I can make good decisions now. Wow.

We're doing the Potty Dance

Did I mention that David is Potty Trained? And the truth is that he did it himself. We spent a week in Florida with two very accessible (and fun) bathrooms and lots of people to dote over every body function. So it did not take long to have a great week with lots of dancing and celebrating. Then came the ride home from Florida to PA. I stopped counting at 10 the number of bathrooms we used along the way, but it was worth all of them (well not all, some were pretty bad). David stayed dry and was feeling quite proud. Sunday Jim took him out to pick his very own underwear. Needless to say everyone who can fog a mirror has heard about this be accomplishment and usually get to see the cool NASCAR underwear.

As for the proud parents, we are thrilled. I suddenly realized I have not been without a diaper in my life for almost 7 years. This is way too cool.

Stuck in a groove . . .

Jim, my husband, pointed out that my posts have been few and far between. I know he meant that lovingly and that he also enjoys reading them and was just waiting for my next post. So instead of being angry at the feedback, I took it as a great boost.

So why haven't I written? Hmm. Well, life has been crazy. The truth is that I cannot seem to get my act together. I get one area of my life grooving, something else falters. The real kick is that I have more discretionary time than ever. So why isn't it working.?

It is true, life does fill up whatever time you have. So when I had less time, I seemed to get more done. Why does that happen? When you find out, let me know. So with all this in mind, I am trying to create a schedule, get some practices in place and get organized so that I can get my groove back. I don't want to get stuck in one groove. I'd rather be able to move throughout the grooves seamlessly. I'll keep you posted.

It's been a Long, Long Ride

Where has the summer gone? Where have I been? Why did I disappear to? After Grandma died it just got a bit crazy.

We spent a week in NY taking care of the family business. We then came home for a day and a half and we were off for our vacation. Yes, we drove to Florida (with two kids). No awards are necessary. Yes we are amazing. And yes the kids are still alive to tell the story. Seriously, it was a great trip and the kids were terrific. We were home two days before we started the whole school thing. Yes, the kids are back in school.

So why do I feel sooo weird. I cannot shake this sad, melancholy. A feeling of dread. It might be the disaster in the Gulf. Even when you try not to watch you cannot help seeing the images of hopelessness. Or maybe it is the feeling that my boys are growing up. Or is it fear on embarking on a new life with kids in school and the guilt of putting in David in extra school so I can have more time. Hmmm. Lots to think about.

So you can see why I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I've just slowly climbed the hill and as I peak over the top I do not know what I am heading into. I pray for guidance on this ride.

It's Over

Grandma's long, courageous battle is finally over. The Lord has finally brought her into his fold. Carole, my mother-in-law said she went peacufully in her sleep as she had prayed for. Now is the hard part. The missing part. I already feel the emptiness, and I didn't see her often because we live so far away. I can only imagine what Carole is feeling. The good news is she has a terrific support group of people who have surrounded her with love and support and are holding her hand every step of the way. I look forward to giving her a hug.

As for the kids, Jim, as always, was so sweet. He was gentle with the boys as he explained to them. They clearly understood. Then David gave his Dad a hug. It was tremendous. Tom, being a boy of what's next, asked when is the funeral. It's amazing what kids can handle and how well they do. I love them.

How did my Mom do it?

How can two boys who kiss and hug each other one minute wrestle the next? I know my Mom said my sister and I fought like crazy (ok I also remember), and now we are best friends. The question is how do the boys live to become friends? How do I survive? I decided to do some research and found a cool website and an article on Why Siblings Fight. I hope you enjoy it. I plan on reading it over and over till I figure something out. It's either that or some really strong Duct Tape.

The Plan - For What It's Worth

Well I heard it again yesterday at a Toastmaster's Officer's training meeting - First you must create then plan and then you must work the plan. Hmm. Sounds good.

The Plan - When School Starts (yipee - can you see me dancing)

• Get back on track with God no matter what the distractions.
  
• Work the equivalent of three full days - work around kids school schedule.
• Organize the house and declutter - get help from Organize it All.
• Get bills organized and a budget - we have big goals that depend on this.
• Have at least 3 hours of "me" time a week - the hardest one to visualize.

The Goal - The Why
When I do all that I say that I am going to do, I will reap the benefits of:

• A cluttered free mind and home.
• A spiritual awakening and joy once again.
• Security and bent toward the future.
• Peace of mind.

Consider it done - or as it might be said "make it so."

Since I Gave Up, God Took Over

Thanks God. Today I can say that I rode out that storm. It was brief and turbulent, and in the end all survived. A bit wounded, but not life threatening. What I have learned is that I cannot do it all. I need to ask for help, sooner. I need to create time for me, sooner. I mean it needs to get on my calendar first and then fill in appointments. I also learned that meetings out side the home does not count as "me" time. I also learned that God can't help me until I am ready. Thank you.

Okay, I give up!!!

Last night I hit the wall. It has been a difficult week. Although my performance in my sales career has been excellent, my personal life just went crazy. On Monday my kids had a bad hair day and they weren't going alone. Apparently while they were at camp, when they weren't in time out, they were terrorizing the other little campers. Let's just say an incident report needed to be filled out. I get a call to come and get them and by they way they might not be welcome back. Then came Tuesday. This is a day that I normally have a weekly training from 8:00 to 11:00. What I thought was a reliable sitter turned out not to be as reliable as I needed. Okay, she has not been dependable in the past, but I had no one else (my bad) so I counted out her. Well, we must have had what we call "mutual mystification" because she never came and she did not think she was supposed to be there. That was different from my understanding. Needless to say, I was beside myself, which is hard to do. On top of that I don't have air conditioning and it was hot, really hot.

So at 12:00 in the morning, after my kids woke up for more water, I could not go to sleep. My mind was racing. My life seemed hopeless. I was making plans (okay, I'm being dramatic). I literally got out of bed so I wouldn't wake Jim up with my crying. He woke up and came down and just sat with me and we had a very incoherent conversation through my tears and then I could sleep. But poor Jim now was awake. He eventually went to sleep.

The sun rose and it was a new day. I cleared my mind and decided I was going to take charge so I had a pow wow with the boys about what they would do in camp today. I knew they would comply, after all the alternatives were not pretty. I went to work and had a great day doing what I love to do. I set up my plan for child care for Tuesday's and Thursday (starting next Tuesday). I took the boys to the game room at the mall and got them popcorn. We had a fun dinner and went to VBS.

Yes, today was a much better day. My mind was clear and I was able to channel my resources to develop and implement a plan. Thanks for the morning.

Endless Summer Syndrome - It's Got a Name

I knew I wasn't crazy (yet). Here is proof. Read this article and step into my world. Hope you enjoy it.

Whelton: Coping with Endless Summer Syndrome
By Jack Whelton/ Among Friends
Friday, July 29, 2005

So when you are feeling a little crazy and the you start to check how much gas you have in the tank and how far it will take you, remember September is almost here.

A date - With My Son

My husband and I were talking about how hard it is to spend special time with each of or boys. When we just had Tom, Jim had time to take him for their special walks or bike rides. And Tom and I spent lots of one-on-one time. Then came David. He is a joy to be around, most of the time. But the quandary became, when does Tom get just us. And David was always part of a team.

Tonight we tried something and I think it worked. I took Tom and Jim took David. Jim is not back yet so I don't know how their night has gone. By the way, where are they those dirty stay outs. As for Tom and I, we had a great night. We met a friend and the kids played in a gym - ran and jumped till they were dripping with sweat. Then we went to dinner. It's interesting how the dynamics are so different when Tom does not have to compete with David. It was very nice. I could tell Tom really appreciated it, he was beaming.

Next we will change things up a little and I will take David and Jim will take Tom. If we do this once a month for each that will give us each a night out with the boys. Now we just have to find time for a date for mommy and daddy. Hmm.

Remember Count to Ten

I called a friend today and immediately I realized she was having one of those moments. You know them, the one where you think if you could just catch your kids you would woop them. Apparently it had been a day of moments like that on top of a particularly difficult day for her physically. I offered to come over and help clean up the mess she was cleaning and she declined. I let her know I was available if she needed me, as always.

Later in the day I called to check in to see if anyone ended up in the hospital or was she ready for the rubber room. By then things were calming down. What changed? When I first called she was able to vent. She then sent the kids to their rooms and gave herself some space. And then, this was key, she took a shower. It's amazing how cathartic a shower can be. She was able to start fresh and clean with enough energy to face the rest of the day. Until tomorrow.

So when the day is crazy, get a shower. Seriously, when I was in my "self-awareness" mode and working on my issues many years back, I remember hearing at a meeting that when you are having a day that seems to be spiraling out of control you should literally get back in bed, get out of bed and start the day over, including taking a shower. I have actually done that and it works. So if you need to start your day over, go ahead, I give you permission to go back to bed, and while your there feel free to take a nap.

Life is Hard, But God Is Good

It has been a difficult weekend. My husband's grandmother is in a nursing home and not doing well. In fact, we got the call that she might be on her last leg. We've gotten this call several times before (Grandma is called the "Energizer Bunny" because of her come backs in the past) but this time it seemed more serious. So off we went to see her in New York.

I have known Grandma for 23 years, and she really is my Grandma now. Death is not easy and it is especially hard when it is a long, tortured death. Grandma is a woman of dignity and selfless, which makes it all the more difficult to watch. For a brief moment, I feel anger as to why this is happening the way it is. Certainly she deserves a more dignified return home to the Lord. And then I remember it is not my will but His.

I don't often talk about my faith here, but for this I must. Life has been hard but God has been good. Even in this situation I see God at work. I see the people who have taken care of Grandma for the last year rally around her to really take care of her now. I see my mother-in-law share her faith even in these hard times. I see my whole family show their strength during a very difficult time. What has made the difference? It has been our faith. I thank you God for that.

We love Grandma and don't want to see her go, and we also know that life here on earth is temporary so it won't be long till we are all together. God, we sit in your will and wait, patiently.

Where has the summer gone????

I cannot believe it is July 21st. The summer seems to have flown by. I remember wondering how are we were going to get through the summer and here it is almost over. So what have we been up to?

• We went to visit family in NY for a time. That was very relaxing.
• We spent a week helping sell fireworks with my husband's fireworks business. That was fun.
• We started a camp for the boys which allowed me to got back to some work. That has been great.
• We joined the health club which has a pool and we've spent lots of time there. That has been the best.

Throughout this I have learned some valuable lessons. Something I already knew but needed to re-learn at a much deeper level. I am at my best when I work hard, play hard and rest hard. When I become the "grouchy mom" it is because I am out of balance. If I do not take care or me, well let's just say "when mom's not happy, ain't nobody happy."

I have also learned to really take care of my "I" and not focus on the "R". "I" means who I am or my identity. "R" means my role. Most people get them confused, especially moms. We get lost in our "R" and for get we "I". And, if we have a bad "R" day we feel like bad people when we just had a bad day. I needed to really get that. I now I know I did. That has been the best lesson learned this summer.

So now when "I" am busy being a mom in my "R" , I am not wishing "I" was at work because I am enjoying my "R". Also, if I have a bad hair day as a mom, which happens every now and then (she says tongue in cheek) I am not devastated. "I" review what I could have done better or different in my mom role and then I move on, because "I" am still a valuable human being.

Pretty heavy stuff. Sorry for that but I needed to say it.

6 Year's Old????

This week Tom turns 6, and it seems to have been a blink of an eye. When did that happen? I can still remember nursing him, over and over. In fact my husband thought I never left that spot on the couch. I was there in the morning when he left for work and there when he got home.

Time, or the concept of time, has changed since the boys have come. What seemed like a life time is now just a moment in time. And for the kids it is the opposite. If they are looking forward to something like a special play date, the day's seems like years. It's kind of fascinating.

For me, I work on the here and now. My goal is to keep one eye on the future (goals and dreams) while the other eye is busy looking at the present. How sad to reach the goal and miss the journey. I pray for the wisdom and patience to accomplish these things while maintaining a modicum of grace.

Independence Day

It has been a while since I blogged. What have I been up to? Well, I have been helping my husband with his fireworks stand. Every year he takes a week off and sets up a stand and sells fireworks. Fireworks are his passion. He's loved them since he was a boy. I must admit that it was a challenge to do this. It was 12 days from home. The days were long and hot. My kids were great. We brought toys and packed snacks and food. We ate a lot at a pizza shop that was behind us. My kids think the chef is the best. My youngest enjoyed potty training this week and we made great progress (I guess it is cool to use a bathroom at the restaurant) plus it didn't hurt that he got party poppers every time he performed.

Here's the best part. Although this was challenging to do, and I might add exhausting, it sparked a light in Jim's dream pilot. He felt, once again, the exhilaration of being in business for himself and realized that it was what he enjoyed. He said he didn't mind the long hours and hard work. He was able to work for himself and spend time with us. He hopes to someday find a business that can help him achieve that sense of independence. I plan on helping him. It was nice to see him feel good for one week.

Hold on to the Dream

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, and I must admit sad. It has been a difficult month, and I am having a hard time getting out of my funk. As is my usual custom, I have been trying to figure out why this is happening. After some thought I think I have some answers. I have been busy doing and have taken my eyes off the goal. I got so caught up in fulfilling all my roles, I lost sight of my goals. If that wasn't bad enough, I suddenly realized that my dreams (goals) are not the same as those around me. I think that was the hardest revelation. So I am experiencing some grief. I need to re-think my plan and look at my goals. And then I need to take hold of my dreams and move toward them.

Well it is not going to be easy, but I will persevere. I honestly don't know how, I am feeling a bit lonely, but I will pray and ask for wisdom, guidance and discernment. I know it is not my plans that I am working but His.

When all else fails, do something!

As I get back on my feet, I am slowly making progress again. What I am finding out is that I am getting back to basics. I know what works and what doesn't. So for now I am working what works and will work on developing what doesn't. That is if it makes sense to work on it.

The one thing that I am finding that I resist the most is a system. Being confined to a box. Rules, structure and guidelines. Hmmm. What my kids need most are structure, set and defined boundaries and rules. Hmmm. This is quite a dilemma and explains why I feel like a fish out of water most of the time. Help, I can't breathe.

Okay, it's not that bad, but sometimes it feels that way. So I will muddle through and figure it out. But the truth is that I have determined I cannot do it myself, alone. I am reaching out big time. I am calling in all my buddies and saying I am lost and need help. That is hard for me. I have been raised to be self-sufficient. "Get over it, other people have it worse than you. Just pick yourself up and do it."

Well I am, just my way. In the meantime, I bought myself an old fashioned planner and I am getting busy developing a plan. Wish me luck and say a prayer.

Happy Father's Day

Isn't it great there is a day to celebrate all the Father's of the world. I know my husband, the father of my two boys certainly deserves celebration. I am letting him sleep in late today and will make him a yummy breakfast and then I have a surprise for him for the afternoon. But why do we celebrate fathers?

I celebrate fathers because without them I would be insane. Jim gives the boys structure and leadership. He is tender and firm with them. He shares the burden of raising my two boys, and at times, takes on more than his share, depending on where I am in my life. We are a team. Without him I would be useless as a mom. I would have to look elsewhere for help and he is the perfect helpmate.

James Dobson in his books on parenting comments on how critical a father's role is in a child's life. The fact that so many families are being raised without fathers is going to play a pivotal role in the families that are faced with that situation. He commented on the numerous studies of men in prison who are lifetime criminals and the fact that most of them were raised in a single parent home, without a dad. Obviously, this cannot be avoided sometimes. And sometimes it is better to be a single parent than have both in the home depending on the relationship and the parents. But all things being equal, children need two loving parents to make them well rounded and loving individuals when they grow up.

So for all the father's out there, especially my husband, Happy Father's Day. We could not do it without you.

Here comes the Sun . . .

I woke up this morning to a 3 year old climbing in bed with me because he wanted to snuggle, the birds chirping and the sun shining. It was pretty awesome. Okay, it was only 6:30 in the morning, but it was a beautiful 6:30 in the morning. It has been great taking this time for myself to regenerate my batteries. As I sit here in the morning listening to my boys play and enjoy the crisp air, I feel grateful for even the stress and anxiety I feel. For at least I feel something.

Tomorrow who knows what life will bring so I try to live in the moment, even when it isn't comfortable. I learn to stretch my comfort zone and grow as a person. It's like being in life's gym. There are some days you just need a shower after a long work out and others where you need to just sleep from the exhaustion. But usually you want to enjoy the workout. Life is great. Thanks.

Where in the world is this Streetsmartmom?

You probably have noticed a lack of information on this blog. I try not to miss a week of blogging. However, recently I felt the need to retreat into myself to re-group and re-think my world. I recently was given some feedback from someone who is important to me that was not what I expecting to hear. My world became a little shaky. So I have taken a break to think, and try to understand the source of the feedback and the nature of the feedback.

After taking my own advice and getting some extreme self-care, I have come to the conclusion that I am ok. I just need to re-group. My (I) or Idenity was shaken because I was told my (R) how I was performing in a particular Role was not meeting someone's expectations. Wow, for a mom and a women, that was a blow. But then I put it in perspective and came away with my usual life lessons.

I am still ok. I am an I-10 (I am a good and whole person, the way God created me) even though my R is a 3 at times. So I am going to change what I can. I am going to work on the R - improve my role by developing a plan of action and working the plan. That should improve my performance. The best part is that I realize that I am always ok no matter whether I am good at something or not. It takes practice to be good at something, but not practice to be me. I am me. So I am off to work on the Role. I will keep you posted on how I do.

Take Care of Mom!!!! 

When Mom's not Happy

Maybe the moon is full or there is a convergence of PMS, but I have spoken to several moms who are in desperate need of a vacation. Not a vacation, like Disney World, but a vacation from their families. Yes, we love our families. Yet, from what I am hearing, it has become apparent to me that in the midst of taking care of the world, we have forgotten to take care of our selves.

I believe this is more common than not. I have yet to figure out how to create a schedule that has "mommy preservation" time built in. For me what happens is that one day I wake up and find that I am feeling crazy. Then my husband or someone will pitch in so I can take a break. Why don't I make that part of my regular plan instead of an emergency option? Good question. I don't know but I will work on that.

For now I am focused on a warm and memorable summer. How do I do that? How do I not allow the world to take me over? How do I maintain some sanity? I am joining a pool/health club. Yes, we will lounge and play and I will work out. I cannot wait. I forget how much I need it. My husband will get what he needs also, a wife who is happy and hopefully more toned. The kids will get a happy mommy that is not so grumpy. All in all it sounds like a great plan. I will keep you posted.

In the meantime, keep the air mask scenario in mind. If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else.

When you think you are at the brim, read on

Here is a story I received from a Street Smart Mom. I don't know the origin and it's a little long, but worth the read. I hope it is an encouragement to you or someone you know.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

<>One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Thank You Woman's Day

Honestly, I have been having a very difficult week. Besides the "things" that are happening, my hormones are completely out of control. So, you can imagine life with Lia is no bowl of cherries. My husband is really trying to help and be sensitive. The kids are great. What's a girl to do? I cannot cry all day and sleep is just not on the schedule.

To help ease the tension I gave myself a little slack today and enjoyed a good read. I love to read. I opened up my new copy of Woman's Day. I find magazines to be a great escape, they are easy to read with short articles that are to the point and informative. They are nice to look at, and I usually learn something. Today was no exception. Just when I needed it most (Thank you God) I came across an article on guilt called: Ditch the Guilt. It was a good article and it had a little box called: Try This Reality Check. It asks two questions:

1. Does my guilt about a specific situation help me accomplish anything?
2. Can my guilt change the way I will handle a situation in the future?

If you answered "no" to either question, ditch the guilt. If "yes," use your guilt as a springboard for positive change.

That really resonated with me today. I don't know if it was my up bringing or just a mom gene, but guilt is something I do well. But now I have something to use as a barometer to see if this is a feeling that will help. If it doesn't, move on. Today I will chose to own it and use it to learn, grow and conquer something that is holding me back.