Supermom vs. Deer in the Headlights

Okay, I admit it, I think differently than most. That isn't always a bad thing, right? Anyway, I was thinking about the reason we are so busy and so crazed lately in this society. Then I remembered the image of what I call the "Super Mom." There was a commercial for a perfume that had a women who could bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, never let her husband forget he was a man. She was of course beautiful and seductive, with no stains on her clothes and all her hairs were in there place. Kind of like this women.



But the reality is that we try to do it all and we don't look like that. I am sure I am speaking only for myself, but on my best day I don't look like that. Why is the reality and the media image so different? I don't know, probably the people writing those messages are men. Fantasy is always better than reality. For me I look more like a deer looks like when they are faced with headlights or this other image I found. Makeup hides a multitude of circles.

So what is my point. Simply, don't be so hard on yourself. Do the best you can do in the moment you are. Be the best you can be. Learn to control what you can and ignore the rest. Ask for help and take naps. You life is short and there will always be laundry. Take time for a cup of coffee with a friend.

For moms who want to work from home . . .

One of the things I hear on a daily basis and sometimes hourly is how do you work from home? There are a lot of moms out there looking for a way to spend more time with their children and get some balance in their lives. That is something I am passionate about. I have been doing a lot of research on various web sites found that we are not alone. In fact there is a whole industry around the desire for a better quality of life which is quantified in time not necessarily money. Sure money is important, but at what cost.

Here is just one web site that I found that offers options and resources. It is a directory of careers that you can do from home. It is pretty cool and it has some tools you can download free. Check it out: E-Directory of Homebased Businesses. Let me know what you think once you use it. I have found it to be useful.

What do you do about the guilt?

I have to admit I have been feeling guilty. I have been having a good time balancing work, home and family. Yet there is this underlying feeling of "I should be with the boys more." Specifically, my youngest David who is 3. I tell myself that he's having a great time at school, playing and learning. So why do I feel guilty?

Is it that I am having fun? Am I not allowed to have fun? Is motherhood supposed to be only work and no play? I hear voices from my past and some from my current about "how motherhood is supposed to be enough" "why aren't you satisfied with being a mom" "why do you need to be so busy with outside activities?" Sometimes the voices are so loud it is hard to think.

Well I am here to say that I am a better mom because of all that I do. Yes, being a mom is important to me. I love my kids more than anything. I also love being in business and helping my clients reach their goals in sales through training and coaching. And I love having a few minutes to go to the supermarket by myself or to the mall. I love going to Borders to read a book, meet some friends and have a cup of coffee. Without all of this, I would deny my whole self and be incomplete. That would not be a great mom. That would be an unhappy mom. So I think that the guilt is okay and normal. It is probably a healthy way to keep yourself in check. I think the lessons my boys are getting by watching me be true to myself is helping them in the future as they become healthy adults.

The Results Are In

Working Mother has done it again. They created a report with the100 Best Companies . There was lots of criteria in five main areas which include: Flexibility, Leave for New Parents, Child Care, Work/Life and Advancing Women. I think it makes a great read and hope you will check it out. The truth is that companies are realizing that women are workforce to be reckoned with and are adjusting their corporate culture to reflect that.

And now for something completely different . . .

Well not really different, just interesting. Today was this year's first official PA (Parent Association) meeting at the school. Last year I got pretty involved with the PA and have made a commitment to continue with that involvement. After all, my kids are in the school's care, and I want to be sure I know what is going on and can help to improve their already amazing experience. It seems simple to me, the goal is to make the school a great place for the teachers to work, the students to learn and the parents to feel comfortable with the whole experience.

And as always in an organization with a Board, this is a new team with a new leader. So consequently there is a new agenda. Not a problem, we all want the same thing, right? So why do I feel so weird and uncomfortable after today's meeting? Flags are flying, and I am concerned. The good news is that we are all in this together, and I know the parents really do want what is best for the school. So even though I am not sure what I am feeling and why, I know it will all work out in the end. I am going to stay focused on the big picture and not get stuck in the little distractions. Those things will be handled and the kids will have a great year.

I have a schedule - for now. . .

Those who know me know that I am resistant to schedules because I have always lived life by the seat of my pants. So I fight anything that makes me feel boxed in. Then the kids came, and I also wanted to have a business, and a life. So it became apparent that a schedule was critical to any sanity I might want in my life. Fast forward to today. The boys are in school, and I have some discretionary time. Hmm. What do I do now? Why was I so lost? Then it hit me, just block out what I want and see how it works.

So here it is, Lia's schedule. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are my "work" days. That means that I will do my best to keep all my appointments on those days. Monday and Friday are my free days. That does not mean I sit home and eat bon bons all day (by the what's a bon bon?). It means that I can schedule appointments on those days or not. I can clean my house if I want to on those days. I can get a hair cut or have lunch with a friend. The sky is the limit. I can even go back to bed. So what does this do for me?

It is so liberating. I know that I have a good chunk of time to work and be productive. I also have enough time set aside for other things so I don't feel cheated or deprived. And, I have allowed myself flexibility in my schedule that if I need to do a personal task on a Tuesday that's ok, and if a seminar is on a Friday, no sweat. The main thing is I have the parameters set, and I can make good decisions now. Wow.

We're doing the Potty Dance

Did I mention that David is Potty Trained? And the truth is that he did it himself. We spent a week in Florida with two very accessible (and fun) bathrooms and lots of people to dote over every body function. So it did not take long to have a great week with lots of dancing and celebrating. Then came the ride home from Florida to PA. I stopped counting at 10 the number of bathrooms we used along the way, but it was worth all of them (well not all, some were pretty bad). David stayed dry and was feeling quite proud. Sunday Jim took him out to pick his very own underwear. Needless to say everyone who can fog a mirror has heard about this be accomplishment and usually get to see the cool NASCAR underwear.

As for the proud parents, we are thrilled. I suddenly realized I have not been without a diaper in my life for almost 7 years. This is way too cool.

Stuck in a groove . . .

Jim, my husband, pointed out that my posts have been few and far between. I know he meant that lovingly and that he also enjoys reading them and was just waiting for my next post. So instead of being angry at the feedback, I took it as a great boost.

So why haven't I written? Hmm. Well, life has been crazy. The truth is that I cannot seem to get my act together. I get one area of my life grooving, something else falters. The real kick is that I have more discretionary time than ever. So why isn't it working.?

It is true, life does fill up whatever time you have. So when I had less time, I seemed to get more done. Why does that happen? When you find out, let me know. So with all this in mind, I am trying to create a schedule, get some practices in place and get organized so that I can get my groove back. I don't want to get stuck in one groove. I'd rather be able to move throughout the grooves seamlessly. I'll keep you posted.

It's been a Long, Long Ride

Where has the summer gone? Where have I been? Why did I disappear to? After Grandma died it just got a bit crazy.

We spent a week in NY taking care of the family business. We then came home for a day and a half and we were off for our vacation. Yes, we drove to Florida (with two kids). No awards are necessary. Yes we are amazing. And yes the kids are still alive to tell the story. Seriously, it was a great trip and the kids were terrific. We were home two days before we started the whole school thing. Yes, the kids are back in school.

So why do I feel sooo weird. I cannot shake this sad, melancholy. A feeling of dread. It might be the disaster in the Gulf. Even when you try not to watch you cannot help seeing the images of hopelessness. Or maybe it is the feeling that my boys are growing up. Or is it fear on embarking on a new life with kids in school and the guilt of putting in David in extra school so I can have more time. Hmmm. Lots to think about.

So you can see why I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I've just slowly climbed the hill and as I peak over the top I do not know what I am heading into. I pray for guidance on this ride.